If You Mock Garden State, You Will Hurt Zach Braff's Fragile Heart

Garden State, the movie you binged on when you weren’t listening to The Shins’ “New Slang” on repeat, was released 11 years ago. And on September 14, Vice published a commemorative article reliant on one basic premise: we all loved Garden State for exactly one year. Then we realized it was self-indulgent, overwrought shit. Unfortunately, Zach Braff, writer, director, and star of the film, read said article. And guys, it really hurt his feelings.

It hurt his feelings so much, in fact, that he decided to tell Vice, publicly, of his distress.

To be fair, it’s not a flattering article. Author Dan Ozzi describes Zach’s character, Andrew, as the whiny bitch to whom we could all relate in our early twenties:

“And this Braff guy who starred in it, the talking Q-Tip from Scrubs, he was just like us, the over-medicated, therapist-dependent twenty-somethings who had a hard time feeling feelings because wahhhhhh. Braff was super dull and super boring and super annoying and super other stuff we wanted to project onto him, which was easy because he had the shapeless, colorless face of a blank avatar.”

Oof. I get it, Zach, those are harsh words. But seeing as it has been 11 years since your film was released, it might be time, in the words of Frou Frou, to “let go.” In any case, it’s definitely not time to indulge your haters, but hell if that isn’t exactly what you’re doing.

Braff has also reached out to Ozzi, both wishing him well and making it clear that he has been deeply wounded by such vicious rhetoric.

Step away from the keyboard, Zach Braff, and maybe light yourself a soothing lavender candle. Remember: most of us own Garden State on DVD.