If Kim Kardashian Is Doing Coke, It's Really Boring

By Whitney Kimball | July 12, 2017 | 12:40am

Celebrities Dirt Bag

Last night, Kim Kardashian West posted a Snapchat story including a glimpse of what appears to be lines of white powdery substance on the counter behind her. Commenters have rightly noted that it looks a lot like cocaine (see lower right quadrant):

Of course it is not, and Kardashian West went to Twitter to state that the lines were from a “candy mess.”

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Yes, the Dylan’s story is true; it checks out with Monday’s paparazzi photos and her pattern of traveling long distances to eat sweets. Moreover, drugs are inconsistent with the thoroughly-documented relatively boring lifestyle we have all come to know.

Yet questions linger. What brand of candy was this which left powdery white sediment? And why is this “mess” organized into perfect horizontal lines without any other detritus, like pixie stick wrappers?

But really, who cares? If she is doing drugs, then they are in the form of two neat lines carefully laid out on the spotless counter for a cozy night at home after the unveiling of a pair of small overpriced cheetah slippers. Partayy.

Bup bup bup bup bup. Prison Bae is an actual celebrity now??

In case you’re not up-to-date on the Hot Convict, aka, “the blue-eyed bandit,” “Jail Bae,” “Hot Mugshot Guy,” a quick recap: Jeremy Meeks– workaday felon plucked from obscurity when his sexy mugshot went viral in 2014– has since accrued 1.2 million Instagram followers, is modeling at New York fashion week and cavorting on a yacht with billionaire Topshop heiress Chloe Green on a “work trip” to Turkey (modeling).

Anyway, as previously reported, his wife saw the photo evidence of the tryst and announced to the Daily Mail that they would be getting a divorce. But, in the latest turn of events, now he’s raced to file for divorce first! Winner.

What we know about his previous life is that he was a forklift operator and Crips member (still kinda) arrested for possessing a firearm.

After adding himself to males discussing relationship challenges in Jay-Z’s “Footnotes to 4:44,” Jesse Williams–who is in the middle of a divorce from his wife of 13 years–has been spotted at the movies with Minka Kelly, his supposed Becky with the good hair. Williams counters rumors in the cameo that he “threw a person and my family in the trash because a girl I work with is cute.” He and Kelly worked on a video game together earlier this year. [TMZ]
Real Housewives star Phaedra Parks has reached a divorce settlement with Apollo Nida, who’s two years into an eight-year sentence for myriad forms of fraud. He will get weekly phone calls with their two children. [TMZ]
Real Housewives of Orange County’s Vicki Gunvalson says that her daughter almost died due to a feces-infected scalpel used in surgery. [Page Six]
If this god damn family is going to drown out all other news about the fate of the planet, let’s at least squeeze some fun out of this stupidity. Which Trump child are you? #3: Pick your weapon. [Buzzfeed]