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Sex. Celebrity. Politics. With Teeth

Idiot Who Calls Himself 'Pro-Life Spider-Man' Scales Oklahoma Building to Protest Abortion

The real Spider-Man at least makes himself useful. What is this dude doing?

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The Devon Tower in Oklahoma
The Devon Tower in Oklahoma
Photo: AP (AP)

There are a ton of things that don’t make sense in this country anymore. Senators are admitting they care more about winning the midterm elections than stopping mass shootings. Hollywood is making a sequel to The Joker that’s a musical, with Lady Gaga? And the Supreme Court is about to overturn Roe v. Wade nearly 50 years after it was decided because America elected a pussy-grabbing beauty pageant owner as leader of the free world. But a self-proclaimed “Pro-Life Spider-Man” scaling the tallest building in Oklahoma to protest abortion is what has me scratching my head at this current moment.

On Tuesday, police arrested a 22-year-old anti-abortion activist who climbed a 50-story skyscraper in Oklahoma City, which—there’s no other way to say it—is fucking stupid. The man, whose real name I will not include since “Pro-Life Spider-Man” is too incredible not to repeat as many times as possible, went climbing to raise awareness for an anti-abortion charity. I will also not name the anti-abortion charity, because who cares. But they announced on their Instagram Monday night that they’d partnered with this Pro-Life Spidey who was going to climb a big building for them. Congrats all around!

Our intrepid Forced-Birth Spidey posted videos of himself on his Instagram story early Tuesday morning while hanging off the Devon Tower, which is 844 feet tall. The skyscraper is only the 71st tallest building in the US, and it’s tied with the Park Tower in Chicago so, not even that impressive. This superhero-obsessed Republican man couldn’t find a top 10 building to climb, let alone choose a new state that doesn’t already have the strictest abortion law in the nation? I don’t know, just feels like an all-around weird choice and huge miss. Dude phoned it in.

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The Oklahoma City Police Department was waiting for Spidey at the top of the building—which a local meteorologist said had winds around 35 to 40 miles per hour—and booked him on complaints of trespassing and disorderly conduct, though the latter has since been dropped.

In May, this dude also scaled both the New York Times building and the Salesforce tower in San Fransisco to hang abortion banners—but those stunts do not seem to be in connection with the same charity. The college student has said he started protesting abortion after learning about Dr. Cesare Santangelo, a doctor who performs abortions later in pregnancy who’s been the target of anti-abortion groups.

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Again, why Pro-Life Spider-Man, or this random anti-abortion group, chose a building in the one state that’s already passed a total abortion ban just completely eludes me. Oklahoma—and pretty much the whole country—absolutely needs saving. But definitely not by him.