I Will Only Watch Harry & Meghan: Escaping the Palace If There Are At Least 3 Explosions

Illustration for article titled I Will Only Watch Harry & Meghan: Escaping the Palace If There Are At Least 3 Explosions
Image: Getty/Lifetime

Lifetime has released the first promo photo of their upcoming television movie, Harry & Meghan: Escaping the Palace, the third and most dramatically titled installment in the network’s growing franchise based on the whirlwind romance and controversies of Prince Harry and actor Meghan Markle, Duke and Duchess of Sussex.

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For some reason, Harry and Meghan have changed with every movie, and this time around actors Jordan Dean and Sydney Morton will play the royal couple. According to the official synopsis, Escaping the Palace “explores what really happened inside the palace that drove Prince Harry and Meghan Markle to leave everything behind in order to make a future for themselves and their son Archie. The movie will detail Meghan’s growing isolation and sadness, their disappointment that ‘The Firm’ was not defending them against the press’s attacks and Harry’s fear that history would repeat itself and he would not be able to protect his wife and son from the same forces that may have contributed to his mother’s untimely death.”

In other words, Lifetime took the Oprah interview with Harry and Meghan and ran with it.

According to Deadline, filming begins this week in Vancouver. The movie will air in the fall.

Lifetime began their Harry and Meghan series in 2018 with Harry & Meghan: A Royal Romance, followed by Harry & Meghan: Becoming Royal in 2019. But Lifetime must realize that with a title like Harry & Meghan: Escaping the Palace, they’re setting themselves up for more than just melodrama and palace intrigue. No, this sounds like an action movie, and frankly, that’s exactly what we should get. I’m talking Michael Bay explosions and at least three Fast and Furious flavored chase scenes. Maybe even a smidge of gratuitous nudity to really drive the genre home. We need Meghan Markle and Kate Middleton duking it out in the halls of Buckingham Palace like something out of Kill Bill, maybe even a fistfight between Harry and Prince William. Daddy Charles unveiling a giant tank of hungry sharks with lasers strapped to their heads? I’m not sure what Camilla could do here, but surely the great minds at Lifetime can think of something.

Give the people (me) what they (I) want.

Staff writer, mint chocolate hater.

DISCUSSION

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chocolate covered raisons d'être

No, Harry would probably not be comfortable with any car chases.