I Will Not Abide Crystal Propaganda

Illustration for article titled I Will Not Abide Crystal Propaganda
Screenshot: Instagram

Shoved into one of the corners of my work desk is a hunk of carnelian purchased at a head shop somewhere in the Hudson River Valley Region of New York. I keep carnelian on my desk to keep a productive flow of energy moving in my workspace. There is rounded obsidian by my front door to ward off negative energy brought in by guests. I have celestite in my pocket and near my plants so that we can be calm and in sync with each other and of course, I cleanse all my other stones and crystals frequently under the glow of the moon or the glare of the sun depending on what I’m trying to achieve. All this to say, I put a hefty amount of stock in rocks, so when I read a headline on Page Six about Kate Middleton wearing “healing crystal earrings” I was on the highest of alerts.

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On Monday, Middleton was filmed during a call with a record-breaking rower for International Women’s Day and Page Six zoomed in to discover Middleton’s lovely rhodochrosite and gold earrings, which matched her light pink ensemble and referred to them as healing crystals.

This is a travesty, a gross misuse of the English language, and an oversimplification of the benefits of wearing rhodochrosite and I am clutching at my smoky quartz to contain my rage. Rhodochrosite’s primary function is not the healing of external conflicts, like the one allegedly between the Duchess of Sussex and the Duchess of Cambridge. It’s naturally a self-soothing stone that cleanses the energies around the heart chakra to help the wearer direct unconditional love towards themselves and then eventually, towards others. If anything, it’s a self-love crystal more than a mere healing crystal that prioritizes the energy that the wearer is emitting and not what they are receiving. But judging by the size of Middleton’s stones, we can safely assume that at most they are for her own personal balancing and at the least, just a pair of earrings that matched her dress and not a signal that she is trying to clear an emotional chakral blockage left behind from a feud she may or may not have had over flower girl dresses. Wake me up when she starts wearing copper and garnet bracelets, then we can talk.

DISCUSSION

Rocks and minerals and crystals are excellent ways to appreciate the glory of nature and the earth and geological processes and all that. But they do not have magical properties.