I Need a Team of Investigators to Make Sense of Porsha Williams's Engagement Timeline

Illustration for article titled I Need a Team of Investigators to Make Sense of Porsha Williams's Engagement Timeline
Screenshot: Instagram

The Real Housewives of Atlanta star Porsha Williams is engaged... to her temporary co-star’s recently estranged husband Simon Guobadia. The pair allegedly met while filming Season 13 in the summer of 2020, and according to their engagement announcement on Instagram, Simon Guobadia finalized his divorce from Falynn Guobadia in “January,” even though they only announced that split mere weeks ago. Porsha, meanwhile, says she and Simon have been together for “month.”

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I’m going to need a team of private investigators to make sense of this timeline.

First, let’s check Porsha’s official announcement on Instagram Monday night:

Our relationship began a month ago—yes we are crazy in love. I know it’s fast but we are living life each day to its fullest. I choose happiness every morning and every night. Tuning out all negative energy and only focused on positive wishes. He makes me so happy and to me, that is what matters most. For all of you that need facts, I get the optics but Simon filed for divorce from a previous marriage in January. I had nothing to do with their divorce filing. That’s between the two of them. Falynn and I are not friends, and Simon’s divorce has been settled. Our relationship is a positive, loving step forward in everybody’s lives. Simon and Dennis are committed to being respectful and supportive of my happiness in this situation, as well as being the best co-parents they can be to baby PJ. Two black men stepping up and being amazing people-let’s praise them!!!! It’s truly a beautiful moment in my life & we cannot wait to spend the rest of our lives together. xoxo P #LoveWins

For clarification, the Dennis mentioned in her caption is ex Dennis McKinley, the self-described “Hot Dog King,” with whom she split after the birth of their daughter Pilar Jhena. They later reconciled, and split again in the early days of lockdown, just as production on season 13 of The Real Housewives of Atlanta kicked up.

It’s Dennis’s involvement in the announcement that really sends me into the tailspin. See, before she announced the engagement, she posted a photo with Dennis and Simon on Mother’s Day. This understandably left everyone confused. Why was her ex there? And where was Falynn? Why did Porsha have her hand on him like that?

Illustration for article titled I Need a Team of Investigators to Make Sense of Porsha Williams's Engagement Timeline
Screenshot: Instagram/@porshaforreal
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This Falynn character, for context, appeared in a few episodes of the Real Housewives of Atlanta as “a friend of,” the designation given to people who move the plot along but aren’t important or interesting enough to be given full Real Housewife status. Either because she opted out, or wasn’t invited, Falynn did not appear in Season 13's reunion episodes. She wasn’t even really mentioned at all, which I now find suspicious.

What secret is Bravo hiding from us?

Meanwhile, Porsha was not the only one to post about the engagement. Here’s what Simon had to say:

I’d like to seize this opportunity to thank every well wisher of Porsha and I, whether via phone, text or DM. You affirm my believe that finding love is possible for everyone who genuinely seeks one. Getting married again was never a question in my mind, but when. Did not expect to be blessed with a mate so soon. The interesting thing about life is that it is an individual journey. Porsha and I, with the support of our loved ones have chosen to travel together as one and spread love and positivity to our community which is in desperate need of positive and healthy images of the best versions of ourselves. We travel this road not lightly considering we have being in relationships that have thought us to want and do better for ourselves. I asked her to marry me because we checked ALL of each other’s boxes, and then some. We have done the individual work to sustain a healthy relationship, and I stand next to her, proud that we found each other. What we have is what we wish every single one of you out there - happiness. So when I asked...she said yes. That is ALL that mattered. Thank you again for your love and support. Truly appreciated 🙏🏾 #lovewins

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I’m really not one to pick over the small details—of course I am—but I find their use of the “#lovewins” hashtag to be utterly bizarre. However, it’s not as egregious as claiming the two “have chosen to travel together as one and spread love and positivity to our community.”

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Falynn, meanwhile, has been silent on the matter. In her divorce announcement, she wrote that “we only ask our friends and supporters to be respectful of our privacy as our family gets through this very difficult period. Her last post was Mother’s Day, coincidentally, but it doesn’t tell me much. Instead I’ve fixated on a photo of her at the beach from April 6. Under it, she wrote: “Freeing yourself is one thing. Claiming ownership of that freed self is another.” I know influencers tend to rip interesting quotes off Pinterest, but something smells fishy about the wording of it and other posts like it from the last month. The post after that is a selfie, and it reads: “You’re always one decision away from a totally different life. Take a leap of faith and choose wisely.”

What is Falynn trying to communicate?

Interestingly, Porsha claimed in her post that Simon filed for divorce in January. Why, then, did Falynn go on The Jasmine Brand’s show and say this on March 31: “Simon and I, we go through our marital issues, just like everyone else. Everybody has their own shit. Whether we unfollow and we follow back and we delete our stuff or whatever the case is, just let us go through our stuff. We’re just like everyone else. We’re normal people.” Sounds like they were very much together in March, unless these two concocted a fake marriage between January and March, like they were actual celebrities.

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Let’s check the story so far: Falynn was introduced on-camera by Porsha during Season 13. Dennis apparently approved Porsha’s engagement to Simon, who says they’ve been together for a month. Porsha also claims he got divorced in January, even though a month ago his ex-wife was defending their marriage in the blogs. And to wrap it up, Porsha is once again tied to a man with a suspicious relationship timeline, just as production is ramping up for season 14.

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OK, I think I’ve made sense of it now. Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit!

DISCUSSION

maudess
Maudess

So I have a most anodyne comment about this current affair but seeing that Mother’s Day photo with the three “co-parents” reminds me that I actually really liked Porsha and Dennis together.

As far as the timeline goes, there’s definitely some fuckery afoot. But Porsha does what Porsha wants to do and she’s not trying to understand how anyone else feels about it.

I love her but these are some messy bold moves. Will make for a titillating Season 14.