On Tuesday, Real Housewives of Orange County’s Kelly Dodd appeared on CBS’ The Doctors to undergo “past life regression therapy” and better understand her anxiety and claustrophobia. Whether or not the video has you convinced depends entirely on how stupid you are.
Now I’m not entirely sure how The Doctors—created by Dr. Phil and often featuring great minds of medicine like psychic charlatan Tyler Henry and Happy Days’ Henry Winkler—is legally allowed to call itself “The Doctors,” but it is! And on today’s episode, they welcomed Dodd, who appeared so heavily contoured that it looked like she was in kabuki makeup.
Introducing the segment was host Dr. Travis Stork, a man who—according to his credits—actually attended medical school.
“Could the answers to your questions be answered by who you used to be? That’s the idea with past life regression therapy,” he said with a straight face, then throwing to Dodd’s segment. which showed her sitting down with past life regression therapist Ann Barham.
Asked by Barham to close her eyes, relax, and allow herself to drift away, Dodd was immediately transported back to 1886, a former life where she was a confident-yet-ugly woman of 50ish who lost her baby during a high-stress childbirth.
“There was nothing I could do,” she said. “So I have an anxiety or a panic.”
It’s amazing that Dodd’s former self even made it to 50 at a time when the average life expectancy was only about 40—even more amazing is that she was still able to give birth. (Or was her past self remembering a past experience? Who can say! It’s all bullshit, anyway.) Considering that miscarriages and stillbirths were about as common as your average cold (which could also kill you, by the way) back then, so the idea that woman—50 or younger—would have experienced one isn’t so much revelatory as it is a basic fact of life.
But who cares about facts! This is about Kelly Dodd and her anxiety, which—great news!—is cured. Can’t wait to see her calmer side on the next season of Orange County.