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I Could Have Done a Better Job of Stealing This Tiny Home

Illustration for article titled I Could Have Done a Better Job of Stealing This Tiny Home
Image: AP

A tiny home in St. Louis, Missouri has been stolen and recovered thanks to the tiny homeowner’s social media campaign to track down the thieves—a happy ending for all, except the thieves. As someone who has never built a tiny home, I am not really in a place to weigh in on the structural integrity of small abodes and whether it’s better to build one on a trailer. But as someone with poor impulse control, I can say that if I coveted a tiny house, and then stumbled upon one on wheels, I would definitely steal it.


You might be saying—what could possibly behoove someone to steal another person’s home? Is there no lower crime? But people steal cars, and a tiny home is basically like a car if you think about it—a roomy car with no steering wheel and indoor plumbing and petite kitchen set-up. In many ways, it’s better than a car. In fact, if I were in the business of stealing cars, and I saw your tiny house, I’d say, “Whoa, Nelly! Today is my last day stealing cars!”


Frankly, the biggest problem I see with stealing a tiny house is hiding a tiny house—by its very nature, it would be challenging to hide it indoors (unless... you had a really, really, really big house). The good news is, for this and many other illicit activities, the forest or any kind of woodsy terrain can provide excellent cover. The house is made of wood, so it will blend right in. I’m not saying I have plans to steal a tiny home in the future, by any means—I’m just saying I would have done a better job of covering my tracks if I did.

But the stolen tiny home debacle sounds like a learning experience for all involved—and really, that’s the most you can ask of life. Next time, everyone here will be more prepared for whatever could go wrong.

Senior Writer, Jezebel

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JujyMonkey: unstable genius

I’ve watched the H&G Channel shows about tiny houses and my main takeaway is how can people fuck in them? They all seem to have loft beds that are, like, 18 inches from the ceiling.