I Can't Unsee These Avocado Proposals 

An avocado toast is not supposed to be what happens after an avocado proposal, at the avocado rehearsal dinner, before the avocado…you get the picture. But it was only a matter of time before the institutions of Marriage, Instagram, and Avocados merged to give us what will inevitably be a far less successful trend.

On Tuesday, The Cut reported that people proposing marriage with a ring lodged in a halved and pitted avocado is sort of thing now. Well, not really, but it is done (for instance, the Today show blogged about it) and could become widespread if we don’t stop it.

(What is this caption? Why is the lady holding a spoon like this is simultaneously a still from a yogurt commercial?)

But I don’t want to stop it. First, if a person really has inside them the desire to propose with an avocado, then there is no stopping that person, that is already incredibly who they are, and to walk up to them mid-proposal and punt the avocados from their hands, or whatever the plan is, would be censorious. Second, making a mockery of marriage is fine.

Sometimes I wish I hadn’t seen these photos in the first place, especially the one of the guy who waited too long to propose and his avocado began to turn brown, but they’re a part of me now. If I close my eyes I can almost feel the sliminess of an avocado-smeared platinum band against my bare flesh. Thanks, Lifestyle Instagram.