Lindsay Lohan’s Beach Club, which debuted Tuesday on MTV, is many things, and only some of them are intended. Through the uncanny-valley haze of contrived setups and editing so hyper as to be Russ Meyers levels of disorienting, though, sometimes something that’s so awkward it must be true emerges.
Case in point is the brief interaction above between Lindsay and Jules, an “ambassador” who’s been hired to work at Lindsay’s beach club in Mykonos, Greece.
Jules explains her recent moving residencies/where she is in life by saying, “I need to spread my wings and, you know, whatever...”
“Are you, like, Buddhist, a little bit?” Lindsay asks, which what?
“No,” says Jules.
“You sound it: ‘Spread my wings and fly,’” says Lindsay, which does she?
At the same time Lindsay is showing off her knowledge of Eastern philosophy, Jules says, “My family is actually very, very religious.”
“I’m religious in the sense of meditation,” responds Lindsay, who’s still saying words that are more or less related to the conversation but not necessarily to each other. “I do it three times a day. This is my own personal religion and the space I need to then function myself.”
“I’m gonna watch you really closely,” continues Lindsay, with a sly look in her eye. “‘Cause you’re so religious.”
“My family’s very religious,” corrects Jules.
“Oh, the story changes,” says Lindsay.
It is simply astonishing to watch two people make a massacre out of what should have been an innocuous session of shooting the shit. I’m going to keep watching Lindsay Lohan’s Beach Club to see if any satisfyingly coherent conversations take place (while hoping that they never do).
After Tuesday’s premiere, MTV ran an after-show interview with Lindsay, moderated by her Mean Girls co-star Jonathan Bennett. During this promo chat, Lindsay revealed that she wasn’t aware that Ariana Grande would be paying homage to Mean Girls in the video for “thank u, next,” which means she wasn’t asked to appear in it... unlike Bennett.
Lindsay also revealed that she moved to Dubai, where it’s illegal to take pictures of people without their permission, to leave the glare of the paparazzi’s cameras. She’s said this before, but I’m not sure that I’ve ever heard her pinpoint it like this: “I was scrutinized a lot of my life because so many people took photos of me sneezing, looked like I was crying.” I’m glad that’s not happening to her anymore.
Finally, Lindsay revealed that Oprah told her not to go to Mykonos before filming the show but she did it anyway.
She said that she texts Oprah a lot and that she may even “harass her.” She does the same to Al Pacino (???). If I were them, I’d respond to every message from Lindsay with: “Are you, like, Buddhist, a little bit?”