Vanderpump Rules aired earlier this week, and amongst the mish-mash of plotlines we’re supposed to believe are real, Kristen and her “boyfriend” James had one of the most painful and mesmerizing conversations about cheating I’ve ever behold.

During last week’s episode, James got too drunk at Scheana’s birthday party and Kristen showed up uninvited. Typical! It’s what they’re paid to do. But Kristen then got mad at James, and James shared a cab home from SUR with some other girl named Jenna. In a moment of typical Kristen brilliance, she checked his emails and found an Uber receipt indicating that they did not go to different homes and probably hooked up.

James denied to Kristen that they slept together, going into unnecessary and gross detail about what they did do instead (“I’m 100% sure I made out with her... I might have tried undressing her... taking her top off, like I started with that...).

“I promise you I’d never have sex with her, I’ve never had sex with anyone but you in the whole relationship we’ve been together or not together,” he pleaded.

CUT: James saying to the camera, “The truth is, Jenna and I were definitely bonin’!”

I could watch this brilliant moment of acting on loop for eternity.

“James decided to have the balls to tell me the truth, which proves to me that he wants to work on this,” said Kristen about her fake relationship. The pair then sealed their love with a kiss—but not before James commanded Kristen to close her eyes and creepily whispered, “I love you. I’m sorry.”


Contact the author at dries@jezebel.com.

Click here to view this kinja-labs.com embed.