Hydration Expert Jennifer Aniston Dethroned As Smartwater Baroness After 12-Year Reign Over the Planet's Water Supplies

A new spring bubbles up from the earth, as Jennifer Aniston is finally ousted as Smartwater’s Chief Hydration Officer, a job she held for 12 years with an iron grip. Her successor? Young Water Baronness Gal Gadot, who announced her partnership with the brand this morning: “I only partner with brands that I love and believe in, and smartwater is such an innovative, iconic brand that I’ve always been using.”

People reports that Gadot contract is a new start for the brand, who ended their 12 year contract with Aniston at the end of 2020. Reps for the company told the outlet: “The brand is of course grateful for her involvement and will always be glad she is a friend of the brand!” You know who isn’t glad, though? Jennifer Aniston, whose terminally dry tear ducts, hair, skin, and insides are estimated to net the actress over $10 million a year in water-related endorsement profits.

As for Gadot, she begins her tenure as Chief Hydration Officer of Smartwater with a proclamation crueler than anything Aniston or her Aveeno-moisturized features could ever muster: “There’s people who struggle drinking water. I’m the opposite. I wake up and I drink smartwater. I’ve been drinking smartwater for years when I travel and run around on sets.” It’s a mind-boggling admission from the actress, considering Smartwater’s parent company Coca-Cola has a reputation for sucking wells dry, even globally. What other edicts will her coming reign bring? Unsure, but I’d suggest hoarding your water while you can, before Gal Gadot breaks into your house and steals it from you.

Meanwhile, reps for Jennifer Aniston did not respond to my request for comment on her feelings about Gal Gadot’s coronation as Smartwater’s Chief Hydration Officer. I’m sure she’ll be fine!