Welcome to Squalor, our new column devoted to helping you be less of a disgusting slob. Cleaning expert Jolie Kerr is here to save you from yourself, ready and waiting to answer your filthiest questions. Need help? Email her.
I recently got a brand new cream twill couch. My brother-in-law’s girlfriend got makeup on it this morning and they can’t seem to get it out. They used Scotchguard and some Wine Away remover, but it doesn’t seem to be working. I called the manufacturer — they said to take the slipcover off and wash it in the washing machine, but that I need to wash all of them so there is not a difference in color. I’m trying to avoid washing all the covers if I don’t absolutely have to. Do you have any suggestions for spot cleaning it?
I’m going to go ahead and presume that your BIL’s lady friend is Adrienne Maloof because life is more interesting when I imagine that people who wear hair tinsel and leave full body makeup stains on sofas are a part of it.
Before we get into how to spot treat those slipcovers — which is super easy, so don’t you fret! — let’s first address the valiant but misguided triage effort on the part of BIL and GF of BIL. (Getting into the science behind the cleaning is one of my favorite parts of this job.) Generally, when people refer to Scotchguard what they’re talking about is a fabric protector, which means it’s to be used before an accident happens. So if that’s what your guests were using to try to clean the stain it was destined to fail them. The lovely folks at 3M, it should be noted, do offer a foaming Fabric & Upholstery Cleaner which is a fantastic thing to have in the home if you have upholstered furniture. The reason the Wine Away didn’t work was because that’s a product designed to treat tannin stains — coffee, tea, fruit juices including that of the fermented grape variety, those are all things that fall into the dastardly tannin category — while makeup is generally a stain of the greasier variety and needs to be treated as such.
There are a lot of ways to treat makeup stains; most of them will work in virtually all applications, but some are easier than others depending on where you’ve gotten the makeup stain. When we’re talking makeup stains on removable upholstery, these are your best bets:
Water: This might sound too good to be true, but just plain old running water oftentimes is all a stain needs to flee from your belongings under the cloak of darkness. In the case of your slipcover, take it off the couch and hold it under running cold water in the kitchen sink or bathtub. That will help to flush out a lot of the makeup. It might even get out all of it, particularly if the stain is still fresh (though that’s not the case here).
One helpful thing to know about using the flushing method of stain removal is that it works even better when you flush from the backside, or unstained, part of the item to the front. That way the water can push the stain away from the fabric, rather than back through it.
Soap: Once you’ve flushed out as much of the stain as you think you can using only water, grab a clean rag or sponge or washcloth, wet it and put a small amount of laundry detergent or dish soap on it. Then wring it so it’s sudsy but not soaking and tamp at the stain with that. You don’t want to rub hard, as that can grind the stain in further. Then keep flushing with the cold water and going over it with the rag and soap. Again, just be careful not to grind at the stain — that can also cause the fabric to wear, which you don’t want. Let the force of the water do most of the work for you.
Foaming Upholstery Cleaner: If the stain is set in to the point that soap and water won’t entirely eliminate it, a foaming upholstery cleaner like Resolve or the aforementioned Scotchguard product is the ticket to saving you from having to launder allllllllllll the slip covers. There are also spray upholstery cleaners, but for my money I think that the foam ones work better. Since usage instructions can vary greatly from brand to brand, check out the manufacturer’s directions on the packaging and then go on and follow those. This is also the route you’ll want to go if you’re trying to clean upholstery that isn’t removable and therefore can’t be held under your faucet. Unless, I suppose, you’re Magnús Ver Magnússon and can just tote full-sized couches around your home on demand.