How Thirsty Are You for One Of These Hot Marco Ru(BAE)o Tee-Shirts?

If you like Marco Rubio—I mean like like him—then you’ll be thrilled to learn of this patriotic opportunity to let the world know the extent of your affection. Buy yourself a “Marco Rubio is bae” teeshirt to keep that babyfaced thirst-machine close to your heart.

But just one warning, my lovers: you’ve got some competition. It seems the merchandise is going fast, no doubt being purchased in bulk by every Young Republicans club across our great nation. As our puddin’ faced cherub advises, “allow extra time for delivery due to high demand.”


He may already be spoken for (ugh Jeanette, don’t rub it in our faces, ok?), but there are no rules in the land of fantasy. Go ahead: keep ogling the sweet way Marco guzzles down a bottle of aqua. Hang those collages of our fearless, fuzzy-headed duckling above your bed. Slap a Ru(BAE)o sticker on your bumper and three on your trapper keeper!

And always, always wear his visage proudly across your chest. Sure, you’ll be $30 poorer, but every true American knows that there’s nothing sexier than feeding the capitalist machine.

How deep is your love, baby? Let Ru(BAE)0 know.

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