"How Do I Express My Joy At My Principal's Death?"

Today, Obit‘s Judy answers the plea of a teen who just wants to shout for joy now that a mean school principal is dead. Judy’s advice was way too reasonable, so we asked a bunch of random dead people!

Our principal just died. He was awful. He used to pick on some of the kids for absolutely no reason. They got detention just because he didn’t like them. There are kids in our high school who everybody knows do lots of drugs and don’t even bother to hide what they’re doing, and he never even punished them because their parents had money, so there’s a big difference in the way he treated some of us and the way he treated others. Now that he’s dead I want to cheer, especially because we have a new principal who seems a lot nicer. My mother says I can’t go around showing how I feel, and also that I should write you for advice. I think, why should I act like a hypocrite, pretending that it’s awful he’s dead? Especially since I think it’s great and so do a lot of my friends. Who’s right?

Oscar Wilde: Children are not “right,” they’re silent. And tedious.

Nero: Well, obviously he punished the people he didn’t like! It’s called “power.”

Rousseau: I disapprove of formal education, personally.

Joan Crawford: Listen to your mother.

Marie Antoinette: Naturally the rich shouldn’t be punished, cherie.

Lizzie Borden: When you say “died”…you mean “died,” right?

Machiavelli: Your mother is wise. Never show how you feel.

Saint Paul: I hate women. I’m just saying.

Anais Nin: I deplore the stifling of feeling. Now I think of love, and so I cry, Love!