HORROR: Nigella Maybe Sometimes Wears a Track Suit

Having been acquitted of credit card theft, Nigella Lawson’s former assistants are now ready to dish even more dirt on the particulars of her home life. After accusing her of prolific drug abuse in court, the Grillo sisters are now alleging that she’s a big holiday fake who doesn’t even decorate her Christmas tree with her own two hands.

Great Caesar’s ghost!!!

The pair sat down with The Sun—real classy outlet, there—and (via the Daily Mail) the SHOCKING REVELATIONS include:

Nigella hired a team to decorate her Christmas tree.
“I never saw her make a mince pie or a Yule log at home.”
“Caterers sometimes came in to do the cooking, then in the last few years the family ate out.” Several Christmases in a row, the family ate at Saatchi’s gallery.
Nigella wore track suits and also “an old granny dressing gown” at home.

Wow! A woman with a job just wants to chill in her track suit! Call the casual-wear authorities!

It hasn’t been a good year for lifestyle celebs, as Slate points out. Paula Dean ran off the rails, into the trees and burst into flames, while Martha Stewart can’t tweet an appetizing picture of food to save her life. It’s easy to see this as another instance of reality misaligned with appearance.

Then again, maybe Lawson’s supposed Christmas laxity—if the reports are even true—has something to do with the general atmosphere in the home. The Daily Mail says:

It is claimed the advertising tycoon didn’t like her friends, or the riotous kitchen suppers which she had been in the habit of throwing when she was married to John Diamond.

It has been reported the hosting ban was a cause of contention between the couple, and that eventually Nigella resented not being able to see her crowd.

Hell, none of us would feel like decking the halls under those circumstances. And fuck a mince pie, anyway.