Horrifying New Amazon Product Appears to Teleport John Mayer Into Your Home

I’m the dog.
I’m the dog.

In a shocking video posted to Snapchat and Instagram, actress Allison Williams showed off what we believe to be a new model of Amazon’s wireless speaker, the Echo.

While earlier models of the smart device (who answers to “Alexa”) offer Siri-like features such as quick research (e.g. “Alexa, who wrote the score to Carol?”) and voice-operated music (e.g. “Alexa, play Carter Burwell’s score to Carol”), Williams’s version has a new feature that shook me to the core: it teleports John Mayer into your home.

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No word on whether Alexa can make other musicians instantly appear on the nearest chair, or if they have an exclusive deal with Mayer and Columbia Records. I suspect, however, that it’s the latter, as I can’t imagine John Mayer being selected for instantaneous home transmission if it were open to, say, Aretha Franklin or Dolly Parton.

I reached out to Amazon for more information about their unsettling new technology, but have yet to hear back.

Image via Instagram.

Staff Writer, Jezebel | Man

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DISCUSSION

mary-queen-of-scoffs
Mary, Queen of Scoffs

AGHGHG! John Mayer suddenly appearing is my worst nightmare!!!

Someone gave me one of those Echo things, and I am SO GLAD I have not turned it on!!!! Thanks to your timely warning, I have now stuck that thing in the garage. . . except I don’t want John Fucking Mayer in my garage either. I am going right now to put the damn thing in my neighbor’s garage because I hate her. Maybe I will spray some pesticide too - what kind of repellant do you think would keep John Mayer away?