Buckle Up, the U.S. Pluto Return Is Here

Buckle Up, the U.S. Pluto Return Is Here

On 2/22/22, the teensiest former planet returns to the exact place in the sky where it was on July 4, 1776. Here's what that means for your sign this week.

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If you, like me, chose the rabbit hole of YouTube astrology over sourdough starters as your pandemic panacea, you might already know that Tuesday’s U.S. Pluto return—nearly 250 years in the making—is kind of a big deal. If not, you might be like: huh? Also, wasn’t Pluto demoted?

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First of all, Pluto will always be a planet to astrologers (fuck you, Neil deGrasse Tyson.) That said, whether or not you follow the stars, you should know a thing or two about the U.S. Pluto return on February 22, 2022. If there was a CNN for astrology, this would be the top story, and the lower third of that story would read something lame like, “Mini planet causes major mayhem.”

Let me explain: Pluto, the goth dude of our solar system, is currently completing its two-and-a-half century jaunt around the sun and will return to its exact July 4, 1776 location on February 22, 2022. But because Pluto moves so slowly, we’ve already been feeling its transformational influence for a few years now, and we will likely continue to feel it intensely for another year or two. If you’ll recall, some old white dudes signed a thing that day in Philadelphia declaring the U.S. as independent from some other old white dudes in Britain. So, you could say the U.S. is having a mega-birthday—but with Pluto involved, it will be more like a Sabrina-style dark baptism. We’re talking secrets revealed, massive social transformation, potential financial turmoil, and who knows, possibly more gender reveal party disasters. 

The specifics are unclear, but with this return comes a choice: Will we sign our name in the Dark Lord’s book and continue giving our power away to failing social structures? Or will we make like a horror book heroine and dramatically flee the castle?

A painting showing Thomas Jefferson, John Adams, Roger Sherman, Robert Livingston, and Benjamin Franklin presenting the first draft of the Declaration of Independence to the Second Continental Congress.
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Listen, shit was really fucked up in 1776, and it’s only slightly less fucked up now. The founding of our country was always more about concentrating power in the hands of white, wealthy men than it ever was about “equality,” a laughable concept considering the monstrosity of slavery, abhorrent treatment of indigenous people, and subjugation of women. A lot has changed since Pluto last checked in with us, but has it? Whole swaths of our society remain marginalized, and white dudes are shockingly still enjoying the finest privileges our country has to offer.

Well, buckle up, Chad. Pluto is the Lord of the Underworld, and like the Gowanus Canal cleanup project, it’s about to dredge some shit up. Whatever “black mayonnaise, sunken cars, and evil stench” it will reveal could accelerate the radical social change that’s already underway. Because the Pluto return is happening in Capricorn—the sign of social systems, government, top-down authority, industry, and infrastructure—it will likely reveal more systemic flaws and inequities in these arenas, which movements like #MeToo and Black Lives Matter are already shining the spotlight on. So, we could see more debate about whether we want to tackle reform or just cut bait and start fresh. Spoiler alert: If Capricorn is the way things have always been, Pluto’s the wrecking ball.

Once Pluto finally lands in Aquarius in March of 2023, it might be easier to start thinking about what kind of society we want to build from the rubble—and how it can truly represent equality.

In the meantime, it’s important to think about where power is concentrated in your own life. If the answer is in structures/jobs/people/places/things outside of yourself, right about now you might be feeling like you’re re-arranging the deck chairs on the Titanic. It could be time to throw up the deuces and sign your own personal declaration of independence from whatever’s holding you back. Here’s what’s in store for all the star signs this week:

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Aries

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You have courage in spades to take your next step, but watch out for impulsivity. Plot your next move thoroughly before charging ahead. You naturally lean towards action, but if you don’t know where you’re going, don’t be ashamed to stop and ask for directions.

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Taurus

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As a fixed Earth sign who thrives on stability, you’re having a rough go of it. When Twitter would have you surrender to panic culture, close your browser, find your center, and stay there for a moment. You’ll have to navigate change no matter what, but that doesn’t mean you need to digest dire news updates every two seconds as you do it.

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Gemini

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You can adapt to change easier than most and tend to consider events from a place of rationality, not emotion. You might be a lifeline for your friends who prefer stability and are feeling lost right now. Remember to put your own oxygen mask on first before helping others.

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Cancer

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I love you dudes, but you can be moody AF. Remember that emotions are meant to be in motion. Feel them fully, but let them pass. Experiment with ways to loosen up your mood until you know what works for you—try EFT tapping or Jin Sin Jyutsu finger holds—and keep your go-to strategies in your pocket for the days it’s raining on your face.

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Leo

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As the kind-hearted leader of the Zodiac, you tend to blame yourself when things don’t work out according to the plan—especially when it affects people you love. When friends come to you for support, ask if they’re looking for solutions, or just need to vent about their douchey boss. Not everything is yours to fix; listening can go a long way.

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Virgo

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Even though you’re the best-equipped Earth sign to handle change, you tend to feel unproductive unless you’re worrying about something. There’s plenty of ways to be a “helper” without riding the anxiety train. A small volunteer project you can easily manage every month would be a healthy way to engage your control issues.

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Libra

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That cartoon dog drinking coffee in a burning kitchen and saying “this is fine” is probably a Libra. Your diplomatic nature is useful in most cases, but when the ship is slowly sinking, you tend to be the last to throw in the towel and jump in a lifeboat. When the thing isn’t fixable, give yourself permission to abandon ship.

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Scorpio

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Pluto is your ruling planet, so you’re naturally attuned to the sticky emotions of the underworld. There’s nothing wrong with gothing out to the Cure, but remember that every “death” is followed by a rebirth in the cycle of life. Nurturing what’s sprouting in your world is a way to honor the things that are passing.

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Sagittarius

Sagittarius

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Your independent streak and penchant for adventure makes you, in some ways, the best positioned among all the Zodiac signs to traverse times of change. But if you’re not in a position to quit your shitty job and finally start that bee farm, tune into your fiery nature and allow room for the unexpected to surface—even if that’s just exploring a new neighborhood this week.

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Capricorn

Capricorn

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You’re an introvert and tend to turn inward when the path gets rocky. That’s cool, but during pandemic times you need to watch out for slipping into hermit mode. Force yourself to turn off Netflix, call a friend, and make plans this week. Some human connection will do you good.

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Aquarius

Aquarius

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Sorry to break it to you, but you’re the designated survivor in this scenario. Your visionary nature and willingness to cast off the old will be crucial as we build the world we want to live in. In the meantime, take some old-fashioned mom advice to protect your energy: Sleep, eat your vegetables, drink water, and cut back on the alcohol. And don’t take that tone with me.

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Pisces

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You’re a compassionate soul and often feel others’ pain as your own. When the whole world is hurting, that’s a lot of sadness to bear on your shoulders. Ask yourself whether what you’re feeling is truly yours to carry. And whatever it is that makes you happy—music, baking, LARPing, literally whatever—prioritize it at all costs.

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