Horny Male Finally Contributes to Society

Diego the tortoise and mate
Image: Getty

In a stark break with social norms, it appears a male has finally decided to participate in the creation of life, rather than in the destruction of it. Diego the giant tortoise, a former resident of the San Diego Zoo, was shipped off to Espanola, an island in the Galapagos, to participate in a breeding program which sought to reinvigorate the tortoise population there.

While most men might view a tropical vacation as an opportunity to engage in a little self-indulgent fornication, Diego said, hey, not me dude. I’m actually gonna engage in a lot of fornication, and it’s gonna be for the benefit of my species.

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The challenges of Diego’s mission seemed insurmountable - when he arrived on the island there were only two males and 12 females living in Espanola. But, rather than buckle under the pressure of his task and succumb to the temptation to do the bare minimum, as so many others of his sex might, Diego made the decision to prove that men were able to make a positive contribution to society, for once.

Now, at over 100 years old, Diego can proudly claim responsibility for fathering over 40% of the island’s 2,000 plus turtle population, according to an estimate from the The Galapagos National Parks. “This shows that they are able to grow, they are able to reproduce, they are able to develop.” Jorge Carrion, the park’s director said. While he was specifically referencing giant tortoises, here’s hoping that men outside of Diego’s species will also take this as an invitation to contribute to society (although please not in via the path Diego chose).

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Of course this wasn’t just the work one horny tortoise working in isolation. Diego was part of a team of 15 sex positive breeders who all contributed to the repopulation effort, although none as prolifically as Diego.

Now, in retirement, I can only hope Diego is able to enjoy a bit of rest and relaxation during the twilight of his life, and serve as inspiration to his offspring to continue on in the work he started.

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About the author

Garrett Schlichte

Weekends at Jezebel, freelance writer living in San Francisco. Please clap.