Honey Boo Boo Molestation Police Report Was Too Horrible to Publish

If you woke up on the right side of the bed this morning with the sun streaming through your window and maybe even the smell of freshly brewed coffee drifting through the air, take a deep breath and savor it for one last moment because we’re about to ruin it all with more news of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo‘s Mama June and her child molester boyfriend Mark McDaniel.

After news broke that McDaniel had molested Mama June’s own daughter, Radar Online managed to track down the incident report from his arrest. The report specifically details the ways in which McDaniel sexually assaulted June’s eldest, Anna Cardwell (who has chosen to publicly identify herself as the victim in this case), when the girl was only 8 years old. Her case was ultimately dropped and McDaniel — who was recently released from prison after serving 10 years — was eventually indicted for “rape, child molestation, aggravated child molestation, enticing a child for indecent purposes and aggravated sexual battery” in a different case.

Radar has made the editorial decision “not to publish the exact nature of the assaults,” which — considering the horrible details that they did publish — only goes to prove what a nightmare Cardwell’s situation really is. (If you would like to read the specifics provided, feel free to click the Radar links above or below.)

Meanwhile, Mike “Sugar Bear” Thompson, father to Alana (a.k.a Honey Boo Boo), is hoping to get full custody of his daughter to keep her away from McDaniel.

[Radar/Daily Mail]

If that got you appropriately ragey, perhaps you’ll enjoy Daniel Radcliffe bringing down the hammer on the shitty way his Harry Potter co-star Emma Watson was treated the minute she came of age.

After a reporter from the AP told him how strange it was to see him becoming a sex symbol in a post-Potter world, the actor responded:

Around the time of ‘What If,’ the rom com coming out, a lot of people were saying, “You’re a really unconventional romantic lead” and so eventually I got bored of hearing that and kind of picked someone up on it, so I was like “What about me is unconventional, exactly? Like, tell me.” And she said, “Well, I think it’s probably the fact that, you know, we associate you with playing Harry, the young male wizard.” My immediate response was “Well, the male population has had no problem sexualizing Emma Watson immediately.”

Accio kudos. [MTV]

Amy Poehler told Howard Stern about the time she went out to dinner with John Stamos and wasn’t sure whether or not it was a date. On the bright side, she probably never excused herself to go to the “wiz palace” so she’s still one step ahead of Leslie Knope. [E!]

Halle Berry‘s advice for having Halle Berry’s boobs? Be Halle Berry. (JK, it’s to always wear a bra, which is arguably not worth it.) [Dlisted]
Hugh Jackman has been treated for skin cancer for the third time. [E!]
Set your DVRs: Missy Elliot, Lil Kim and Da Brat will reunite at the Soul Train Awards. [Bossip]
Heidi Montag has marriage advice for Lauren Conrad and weirdly, it’s not “Don’t marry Spencer Pratt.” [MTV]
Montag and Conrad’s The Hills co-star Audrina Patridge was photographed crying on the street after a Halloween party. I once started sobbing while dressed as an early 1900s strongman, so I FEEL YOU, GIRL. [E!]
Tim Riggins has officially joined the cast of True Detective. Hopefully, the new season includes lots of scenes of him sitting Igloo cooler and staring out at the Texas sunset. [The Wrap]
Awww, Mark Rylance is going to play the BFG. [ONTD]
An attractive British couple created a second attractive British couple. [E!]
Kim Kardashian is hoarding a pile of Blackberry phones the way Smaug hoards gold. [BI]
Jessica Simpson is reportedly outraged that her ex Dane Cook called her “dumb” on Watch What Happens Live. Well, Jessica, you did date Dane Cook… [OK]
You can buy Countess Luann‘s toilet! Chic, c’est la vie! [Page Six]