Holy Shit, Chris Martin Took His Kids to a Fast Food Restaurant

Illustration for article titled Holy Shit, Chris Martin Took His Kids to a Fast Food Restaurant

Shots fired in the conscious uncoupling of Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin! While Our Lady of Divine Goop was across the country in New York City, Martin was spotted at a L.A. fast food restaurant feeding his children french fries. THE KIND THAT COMES OUT OF A DEEP FRYER.

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A diner at Reddi Chick spotted the family and quickly reported the sighting to InTouch. (Thank you, brave, anonymous bystander — you are Abraham Zapruder of celebrity children).

Apparently, the meal was all-out anarchy:

"They were shoveling handfuls of fries into their mouths," an eyewitness tells In Touch of Apple, 10, and Moses, 8. "It was like they'd never eaten anything so good in their lives! They were loving every second of it."

Classic divorced dad move by Chris Martin. Win the kids over by letting them eat whatever they want and then send them back to their strict mom. My dad tried the same thing, but it only worked until my mother upped the game by letting me watch Jerry Springer everyday before doing my homework. MY DAD DIDN'T EVEN HAVE CABLE.

Anyway, look forward to at least 10 more years of this, Chris.

Image via Getty.

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"The kids were absolutely ravenous," remarked an onlooker. "At one point they cut the throat of a raccoon and feasted on the blood while cooing "'sweet nectar.'" Another witness noted that blood-soaked copies of acclaimed hit Country Strong were found scattered around the restaurant.