Holiday Gift Guide: What Would You Buy a Paranoid Person?

Illustration for article titled Holiday Gift Guide: What Would You Buy a Paranoid Person?

Because the retail terrors that are Black Friday, Batshit Saturday, Desperation Sunday, and Cyber Monday loom in the very near future — next week, gah — it's time to talk about the spirit of giving. Or, rather, the spirit of buying. Enter Jezebel's upcoming gift guides.


This year we're adding a twist: We want your suggestions for our offbeat gift guides, and we'll be asking for them, topic by topic, over the course of this week. The final gift guide will contain both our ideas and some of yours, too.

First up: Gifts for the Truly Paranoid. Like the weird uncle who's in a militia "just in case," or the cousin who takes the same self-defense class over and over and over again. Or maybe your sister is a full-on doomsday prepper with a luxury fallout shelter in her backyard. We're talking about people who think they're always in some sort of danger, or worse, that The Day After Tomorrow might really be a documentary.


Whether or not you have this sort of person in your life, what sort of present would you get them? Tell us below.

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In case of Zombie Apocalypse (because, let's face it, what else could one possibly fear), one cannot match the simple elegance of an ice pick. Silent, leaves a decent distance between you and the undead, easily inserted (and more importantly: retracted) through an eye socket. Done.