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Hold Me Closer, Hiney Dancer

Illustration for article titled Hold Me Closer, Hiney Dancer

EDINBURGH, SCOTLAND - FEBRUARY 24: Scotland teammates Duncan Weir (L) and Stuart Hogg celebrate their team's victory as the final whistle blows during the RBS Six Nations match between Scotland and Ireland at Murrayfield Stadium on February 24, 2013 in Edinburgh, Scotland. (Photo by David Rogers/Getty Images)

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DISCUSSION

I'm going to go ahead and admit it: I don't get Thighlights. Like, I get it. I get that it's about appreciation of the male thigh. I just don't get it, though. Male thighs? I guess maybe it's just not a traditionally eroticized part. The pun titles are usually really great, though. I enjoy them. Hold Me Closer, Hiney Dancer? That's good stuff.

I have genetically-superior quads. There was that Presidential Fitness Test in 4th grade, the Isometric Quad Squat. That one where you sit against the wall like you're sitting on a chair. I lasted so long the gym teacher turned out the gym lights and had the janitor continue to time me while she brought the rest of the class back. The janitor and I both realized we were pretty uncomfortable there alone in the dark after about 5 seconds, so I took a powder and slid down the wall. Such a shame when a girl can't realize her full potential.

Just seemed like a good place to bring that up. It's not like there's ever a great place to announce that feet. I mean, thigh. I mean, feat.