Hillsong's Temporary New Pastor Is a Real Estate Agent Who Wants to Sell a House to Jesus

Illustration for article titled Hillsong's Temporary New Pastor Is a Real Estate Agent Who Wants to Sell a House to Jesus
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Carl Lentz is out at Hillsong, and in the wake of his dramatic departure—which resurfaced claims of homophobia and alleged misconduct—the world’s most popular worship hall slash retail center has lacked a frontman.

No longer!

The Post reports that Lentz’s buddy, John Termini, “quietly began taking over” Lentz’s place as Hillsong’s Executive Pastor. Insiders tell the rag that his position is a blip on the radar and that an official “from the mothership in Sydney” will eventually be installed full-time.

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In the meantime though, here are some facts about Termini: He’s a former real estate agent and he wants to sell a house to Jesus, or maybe God, or maybe the Holy Spirit. Hell, let’s just say it’s all three. In comments to the congregation in his first official sermon, Termini preached:

“You know I used to be a broker. I love brokers, thank God for brokers, but you know what’s better than a broker is the owner. Why go to a broker, why go to an owner, go to a dealer. His name is the Holy Spirit. He can show you access to the Father.”

Elsewhere in that same sermon, he seemingly referenced Lentz’s firing and ongoing issues at Hillsong:

“About a month ago, I had the worst day I’ve probably had in 10 or 11 years. I tell this to you, and I share this moment of vulnerability with you, because I think its very important to know that we’re in this together. I realize how hard this has been for you, Church, it’s been hard for me and it’s been hard for my family.”

A month ago, Hillsong was slapped with a $20 million lawsuit for its “immoral, oppressive, and unscrupulous” dealings. It was also around that time that reports surfaced alleging that Hillsong had been full of “inappropriate sexual relationships” like Lentz’s for years. No wonder Termini couldn’t sleep.

For now, though, I wish this man the best of luck on captaining a ship that is obviously sunken at the bottom of the ocean, where it will slowly be stripped of everything that once made it Hillsong by scavenger crabs and bottom feeders. In the interim, I’d also like to throw up a prayer that he and Jesus go into escrow soon. It’s a seller’s market right now, and he and Hillsong could certainly use the cash.

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DISCUSSION

tonightimlivinginafantasy
tonight, living in a fantasy

Had to do a double take because I thought that was Eric Trump. o_0