Hetero Men: Deep Kiss, Use Your Fingers, Eat Puss

Image via Getty.
Image via Getty.

There is no longer any excuse for heterosexual men, as a group, to be bad at sex.


If someone gave you the magic formula to make your partner cum and you decided to save it for a special occasion indefinitely, it would have to be assumed that you actually just don’t care.

Maybe it feels like homework to read a few complete sentences that clearly lay out how to give someone else an orgasm, but researchers will continue to repackage the same “duh” info for the huge swathe of heterosexual men who just will not study. The Guardian reports that a new paper from the Archives of Sexual Behavior is telling us the same old thing:

A study from a team of US researchers suggests that a combination of genital stimulation, deep kissing and oral sex is the “golden trio” for women when it comes to increasing their likelihood of reaching orgasm with a sexual partner.

I’m sorry, but I don’t believe that it is revolutionary for men to acknowledge in 2017 that touching and licking the pussy, in combination with passionate kissing, will lead to better orgasms. Particularly since it doesn’t seem to be a big secret from literally anyone else:

While 95% of heterosexual men reported that they usually or always orgasmed during sexually intimate moments, just 65% of heterosexual women did. By contrast, the figure was 89% for gay men, 86% for lesbian women, 88% for bisexual men and 66% for bisexual women.


Hmm, must be common knowledge that oral sex is a great way to have an orgasm. And yet:

According to the research, only 35% of heterosexual women always or usually orgasm during vaginal sex alone, with 44% saying they rarely or never did. By contrast, 80% of heterosexual women and 91% of lesbians always or usually orgasm with a combination of genital stimulation, deep kissing and oral sex – but without vaginal sex.


Co-author of the research, Elisabeth Lloyd, told the Guardian, “To say that there needs to be some education I think is an understatement.” Guess whose job it is to do the educating?

“I would like [women] to take that home and think about it, and to think about it with their partners and talk about it with their partners,” Lloyd added.


Hey, communication is great and, on a personal relationship level, very necessary. But it’d be great if heterosexual men would talk to each other about this, so their girlfriends don’t have to keep writing orgasm Sparknotes.

Contributing Writer, writing my first book for the Dial Press called The Lonely Hunter, follow me on Twitter @alutkin


The Noble Renard

Over/under on number of comments in this thread being men humblebragging about how much they make their ladies orgasm and expressing disbelief that other men don’t?

Edit: six eight nine so far!