Herman Cain's Mistress Is The Most Boring Mistress Ever

Herman Cain’s alleged mistress Ginger White took to Good Morning America this morning, where George Stephanopoulos tried to ask her a bunch of gotcha questions and White responded by successfully avoiding saying one interesting thing. How is it that she’s so boring? Her name’s Ginger! She was flown all around the country by a philandering millionaire/aspiring politician! Nope. Still dull.

During the snoozefest interview, we learn that Ginger is sad, and also embarrassed. We learn that she wasn’t paid for sex. We learn that she didn’t save receipts and notes and the such because she never thought she’d have to prove having an affair with Princess Pizza and tepidly said that she didn’t think he’d be a good President. After all that, all she has are her cell phone records and her precious memories and all we have are stifled yawns.

I miss Gennifer Flowers.

Herman Cain’s campaign has been busy slowly self immolating but denying that he’s doing so. Yesterday, Cain canceled plans to attend a fancy party in New York last night. But no biggie! According to Herman Cain, Herman Cain’s got the black vote on lockdown; they’re a sure thing and are totally sending him vibes that they want him to President the shit out of them.

Meanwhile, Ginger White talks monotonously about how she and Cain had sex all over the place. Remember Reille Hunter? She was a barrel of monkeys.

Perhaps Ginger White isn’t boring at all, and it’s a little fucked up that I’m disappointed that she isn’t divulging more juicy information about her ex-lover. It’s none of my business. Maybe I’ve been so worn down by the theatrical antics of Real Housewives and Jersey Shore that I can’t feel feelings anymore. It’s like my brain has been consuming a steady diet of Flamin’ Hot Cheetos and suddenly along comes Ginger White with a bowl of lukewarm oatmeal.