Amazon, rather than allowing its employees to take bathroom breaks or form a union, has found a new solution to its overwhelming number of workplace crises: A depression closet!
On Twitter, the evil mega-corporation shared their new solution to worker’s harrowing mental health issues, which have made national news for years. It’s called “Amazen,” and is a teeny little closet on the factory floor, filled with plastic plants and a computer that reads inspirational quotes to the employees in distress.
I bet it works just fine. Of her creation, employee Leila Brown from Tampa, Florida said: “I wanted to provide a place that’s quiet that people could go and focus on their mental and emotional well-being.” This is surely just as nice as Jeff Bezos’s $500 million yacht.
As someone who is certifiably mentally ill in ways that Amazon would immediately send me to the depression closet for, I can guarantee this closet would not heal my troubled soul. It might actually make my mania worse, or at the very least, be a quiet place to smoke weed and pop molly, which is how I usually dealt with the factory worker blues before I landed this job at Jezebel.
Most ominously, the above video ends with a terrifying shot of an endless row of forklifts, awaiting each and every employee lucky enough to be sent to the depression closet for re-programming. The work never stops!