Here's Proof That Nicki Minaj Is Secretly Your Mom

Us Weekly‘s celebrity profile series “25 Things You Don’t Know About Me” is full of fun facts about celebs written by publicists. These publicists are very good at their collective job, which is to make their clients look fun and relatable. Nicki Minaj’s publicist so thoroughly achieved this goal that after reading the list, you might feel as though you were secretly grown in the uterus of Nicki Minaj.

Though this piece was written as though it is still 2013 (Minaj references The Other Woman as a film she’s in coming out next year, when the release date is clearly set for April), let’s not let that little glitch get in the way of what’s really important: despite her claims that she loves high fashion designers and is listening to new beats for her next album, Nicki Minaj is definitely for sure absolutely truly your mother. Here is some evidence:

She hates getting her nails done
She loves the Investigation Discovery network
She loves Rice Krispies Treats.
“For one month straight, I watched The Devil Wears Prada until I fell asleep every night.”
She likes doing laundry and is a self-described homebody
“I’m always cold.”
She hates texting and returning emails
She’s fiercely loyal to her brothers
She’s had the same best friends for forever
She doesn’t like it when people show off how much money they have
“I’m the best cook on the planet,” she says, explaining that her specialty is a family recipe taught to her by her father
Her favorite snack is strawberry-banana yogurt

Individually, these fun facts could just be a quirky part of a young woman’s personality. But when placed together, you’re clearly reading about a 60-year-old who just wants slippers for Christmas.