Here's a Little Story About the Time Donald Trump Apparently Believed He Was Being Cut in Half by Lasers

Illustration for article titled Here's a Little Story About the Time Donald Trump Apparently Believed He Was Being Cut in Half by Lasers
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There are a handful of things that President Trump is documented to fear: Sharks, germs, blood. Now we can add lasers to the list.


The Scotsman published an op-ed by Joe Goldblatt, a university professor who, in 1990, had an event planning firm that worked on the grand opening of the doomed Trump Taj Mahal Resort and Casino in Atlantic City, New Jersey. The ordeal was nightmarish and Trump allegedly threatened not to pay Goldblatt if the ribbon-cutting ceremony didn’t run smoothly.

The ceremony was supposed to be an exciting affair, with laser beams projecting from an “enormous Aladdin’s lamp that Donald Trump would rub to summon his inner genie” and from behind Trump’s head. But Goldblatt warned Trump not to look back at the lasers during his grand entry, as they could do serious damage to his eyes if he did. Trump, reportedly, took Goldblatt’s warning to heart (“this might have actually been the last time he actually listened to anyone else” Goldblatt quipped). But during a dress rehearsal, Trump’s fear of the lasers was, apparently, misplaced

Trump had clearly seen one too many action movies.

From the Scotsman (emphasis ours):

His theme music, Eye of the Tiger, began blaring from loudspeakers and as the bright green beams projected over his large head, Trump began his walk toward the 5,000 members of his staff. However, a mishap occurred and suddenly the laser beams dropped by a metre and appeared to project through Trump’s midsection.

Upon seeing this he immediately dropped to his knees, seemingly in fear of being severed in two by the powerful beams. I called out from the wings “It is all right, stand up and give your speech”. He looked at me with genuine fear and then rose, walked to the lectern and, though obviously shook up, delivered his usual rant.

Man... what?!

Staff writer, mint chocolate hater.


Bouncing Betty

I would have found this hilarious ten years ago, but now I’m just tired.