Here Are Some Real Names of Baby Products

Would you fork over $1,160 for the possibility of a good night’s sleep? What if it required asking a sales associate to please direct you to the nearest “SNOO”?


The Wall Street Journal reports on the launch of the high-tech SNOO bassinet, developed by Yves Behar and Dr. Harvey Karp, known among parents for his book The Happiest Baby on the Block. For your thousand-plus dollars, “hidden speakers play specially engineered baby-lulling white noise while a gimbal motor rotates the bassinet mattress to and fro.”

Again, it is called the SNOO. Picture yourself stumbling into a sprawling baby-supply store—eyes bleary from chronic sleep deprivation—and desperately hunting for a SNOO. Any SNOO will do!

But if you’ve reached the stage of life where you attend any significant number of baby showers for friends and family, this is probably not the first time you’ve encountered a ridiculous baby product name. Perhaps you are even familiar with the feeling of approaching somebody at Babies R Us and asking, in dead earnest, “Excuse me, do you carry the ‘My Brest Friend’ pillow?” If you aren’t, here for your edification are some very real brand names of baby and maternity products.

God bless the folks who work at America’s baby stores for actually remembering these names and managing to say them with a straight face.

Senior Editor, Attic Haunter, Jezebel


Ginger Is A Construct

Ugh, I’m 20 weeks pregnant today, I break into hives whenever I start to research strollers, car seats, etc. We’re going to get a lot of hand-me-downs, but some stuff we’re going to have to shell out for. I HATE feeling like we are being shaken down for all our money by an industry that also insists on these cutesy, patronizing names. Why do people have to be so twee about baby products?