Here Are Some New Apps Designed to Get You Laid

Considering humans have been humping successfully enough that the Earth’s population keeps increasing at a pretty regular rate, the number of available dating apps seems kinda silly. It could also be that the tech community has figured out that it’s profitable and “sexy” to make them but nevertheless: they’ve got us convinced that it’s just so haarrrrrd to meet someone and have sex with them! So they’ve decided to make it easier and put all those randos/potential loves in your smart phone so you can just whip them out (heh) at any time.

Here are some of the latest apps that are getting all the press and changing all the lives.

For people who don’t want to meet anyone new but want someone to just have sex with: Bang with Friends

As indicated by the name, Bang with Friends wants you to, ya know, bang with your friends. But “don’t worry – it’s discreet.” They use Facebook to match up people who have selected each other as sexy. (They also include a helpful diagram about how to literally bang someone. It’s NSFW.)

But as BuzzFeed’s Katie Heaney points out, the app has a problem, in that “Facebook lets people accessing the app see which of their friends are already using it, BEFORE having the option to authorize it themselves.” So it’s not really that discreet.

For people who don’t want to meet anyone new but want someone to date: Hinge

Originally just for Washington DC dwellers, Hinge is expanding to New York City. Their method is to send you new Facebook profiles daily at noon; you rate them, the other profiles will do the same to their batch, and Hinge will see if you’re compatible.

Unrelatedly there’s a typo weird phrasing on their homepage that is driving me crazy:

For the person who is pretty superficial: Tinder

Described as an app that “finds out who likes you nearby, and connects you with them if you’re also interested,” Tinder has been marketed to straight women (though it’s for both genders) for whom the idea of Grindr is deathly frightening (no seriously, they’re afraid of dying and don’t really use Blendr). As you might expect fromthe people who started Hot or Not, it’s a very visually based. “Instead of tapping a big red “X” to pass over someone, Tinderers can flick the photo aside, as if the person has been summarily dismissed, banished with a wave of the hand,” explains Bianca Bosker at the Huffington Post.

For women: Lulu

Proudly dubbed a mash-up of “Sex and the City meets Facebook” by The Bible, Lulu is “the first database of men, built by women, for women. Through Lulu, you can read and write reviews of guys, which are pulled from a variety of tools, questionnaires, and fun features.” Also women who like pink…

There’s also Skout, Are You Interested?, Zoosk, Let’s Date, Meet Me!, Badoo, plus all the regular dating sites that have apps, plus a bunch of other niche ones…just in case you don’t have enough choices in your life.