Vote 2020 graphic
Everything you need to know about and expect during
the most important election of our lifetimes

Help, I Need These Blankets: A Disturbingly Long List

Illustration for article titled Help, I Need These Blankets: A Disturbingly Long List

Besides eating snow, there’s nothing better to do in the winter than draping your freezing body in a nice blanket, especially when you live in an icebox apartment.

Advertisement

Admittedly, I have a problem. I own a dozen or more throws, including two perfect faux fur ones from Pottery Barn that I wear over one another while laying on the couch, immobile. In my defense, they’re essential because my apartment is a literal freezer around this time of year.

Understand why I need these, too.

1. This Mermaid Blanket (Etsy)

Illustration for article titled Help, I Need These Blankets: A Disturbingly Long List
Advertisement

Of course, this item is sold out on Etsy because who wouldn’t want a mermaid blanket? Especially those of us who constantly complain about cold feet. Why didn’t anyone get this for me???

2. This ridiculously oversized chunky blanket

Illustration for article titled Help, I Need These Blankets: A Disturbingly Long List

I saw this super chunky knit thing on Fast Company the other day and wanted to get lost in it...and then find myself. It’s just like a chunky sweater except bigger and instead of being a sweater it’s a blanket. It’s made by Ukraine designer Anna Marinenko and available for preorder on Kickstarter. I’m not quite sure why I don’t have it yet.

3. This other chunky blanket

Illustration for article titled Help, I Need These Blankets: A Disturbingly Long List
Advertisement

The above blanket led me on a search to find more and that adventure led me to this U.K. site called Knitting Noodles. I don’t know who they are but this is handwoven and big and I need it. Also, it’s made from viscose, a material I just now learned about, which means this blanket is educational. Why don’t I own it?

4. And this big blanket

Illustration for article titled Help, I Need These Blankets: A Disturbingly Long List
Advertisement

Homelosophy has a similar cozy knit blanket but it’s $725, which is dumb. But I need it.

5. This cozy looking fur blanket

Illustration for article titled Help, I Need These Blankets: A Disturbingly Long List
Advertisement

As previously mentioned, I already have two fur throws, but this Restoration Hardware one is bigger, looks incredibly warm, and would make me feel like a bear. I need it.

We all do. We should all look like this in the winter.

Advertisement

Related:

Advertisement

Contact the author at clover@jezebel.com.

Share This Story

Get our newsletter

DISCUSSION

hatsforcats
AllieCat demands hats on cats-is probable weirdo

The problem with those lovely cream colored chunky blankets is that if I got one, it would never be washed and therefore would get Dog hair and cat hair and pizza sauce and cat pee and Chinese food sauce, and pot sticker sauce, and tikka masala sauce and white wine and red wine and vomit and period blood all over it and it’d be all discolored and I’d get embarrassed and it would have to live in a closet for ever.

And that’s just on day one of me having it so....