Heinz Beanz and Ketchup Now the Proud Sponsor of... Michelle Visage!

Illustration for article titled Heinz Beanz and Ketchup Now the Proud Sponsor of... Michelle Visage!
Screenshot: Instagram

Bing bang bong: It’s a beans on toast update!

After the crowning of Lawrence Chaney as the season 2 winner of Rupaul’s Drag Race U.K., judge Michelle Visage is back stateside, spiritually and physically. But it seems she’s taken a little piece of the crumbling empire across the ocean with her. In a recent Instagram post, Visage revealed a new sponsor, Heinz Beanz, famous for their addition to the top of toast in the Queen’s country.

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Yep! This lady is shilling beans. Excuse me: BEANZ.

On Instagram, the former not-Madonna singer wrote:

#Ad With all of the recent discussions of how to serve beans on @dragraceukbbc I’m going to show you my favourite Heinz Beanz recipe and put it to the test. Get ready for my delicious Cheezy Heinz Beanz! How do you have your Beanz? @heinz_uk #heinz #heinzbeanz #cheezybeanz

Understandably, coworkers and past contestants were outwardly perplexed at her pivot. Trixie Mattel, All Stars winner and co-host of UHNhhh, commented: “Michelle what is happening.” I’d like to know the same, Trixie!

Her recipe is something she calls “cheesy beans,” which would make sense, considering the large bowl of shredded cheddar behind her. I think it’s a whole block, by the looks of it? To start, she browns some onions, which she struggles to do because of her massive, sword-like acrylics. Also because, despite however much money this lady has, her stove top is induction.

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Screenshot: Instagram

Michelle, you’re rich. Get a Wolf range!

She then mixes the baked beans into the onions, pops them into the oven, and adds her four pounds of cheese. After the little fuckers are cooked, she snarks that normally the next step would be the toast, but she wasn’t going to make the toast, “because we’re women, it’s our prerogative to change our minds.” So instead, Visage cooks eggs, and serves the whole slop to her two...assistants? I’m not really sure who they are; they have British accents and are definitely not her children.

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As they chew, she exclaims: “Don’t lie to the camera!” They comment on how sweet it is—ew???—and that they can taste mustard. One even notes that it is unlike any British baked bean they had ever had (this might not be a good thing)!

In all, Visage seems proud of herself, signing off with: “Take that, Nigella!”

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Screenshot: Instagram
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What was it that RuPaul always tells the queens about not turning down jobs, no matter how small they are? I’m sure it applies here.

DISCUSSION

apewhohathnoname
ApeWhoHathNoName

To anyone rangetop curious: Induction cooktops rock. I live in a rural area so natural gas was never an option. We recently upgraded our 30+ year old electric cooktop to induction, it’s been great. The “boost” option will bring a pot of pasta water up to a boil in a few minutes, compared to about 30 minutes with the previous cooktop.

Natural gas is inefficient, dangerous, and will probably become obsolete if we ever get serious about climate change: https://www.motherjones.com/environment/2021/02/how-the-fossil-fuel-industry-convinced-americans-to-love-gas-stoves/ 

I know gas stoves look pretty, but they are kind of a scam.