Heavenly Hats Paired With Fugly Frocks On Project Runway

OMG. HATS. Not just any hats. Philip Treacy hats.

Here’s what’s insane about this show. The producers will have meh guests, like Selma Blair (lovely lady, but really, who is she, in terms of fashion?) — and then BOOM. Epic haute couture superstar Philip Treacy guest stars! Still, 90 minutes is too long. TOO LONG. Also, your website sucks. Get on that.

The challenge: Pick a hat; then design a dress to go with it. No one made what I would have created: An epic, voluminous, Galliano-inspired ball gown. Or a swimsuit.

In the workroom, Tim Gunn giggled about Peach’s use of the words “good china.”

Poor Casanova! Is he real? Is he a Saturday Night Live skit? “Seven life. Like a cat.”

On the runway, my heart was with Mondo and his polka-dot tie. He is, unlike some of the other designers on the show, actually creative. Willing to take a risk, and be unique.

Exhibit A: The mustache. Salvador Dalí stars in Victor/Victoria.

Exhibit B: Polka dots and pseudo-leopard.

Mondo is out of this mundo.

Let’s look at additional highlights and lowlights from the runway…

A.J.’s dots weren’t nearly as fun as Mondo’s, but A.J. was safe.

Casanova’s 1988 Donna Karan dress turned out okay in the end. He was safe.

Gretchen did hipster Robin Hood, and was safe.

Andy’s rich bitch was fierce. Safe!

Ivy was inspired by hospital curtains, in a good way. This entire ensemble should be shipped to Kate Middleton.

Somehow, Peach was safe, even though she desecrated a coquettish and flamboyant hat by choosing Von Trapp family fabric.

Tim Gunn loved Christoper’s fabric, but the judges hated it. Heidi Klum said the outfit made her “sad.” Michael Kors complained there there was no romance, no fragility; Nina Garcia proclaimed the look was “too heavy.” Christopher was in the bottom 3.

April made a quilted diaper, which put her in the bottom 3. Michael Kors called it “ill-fitting” “layered underpants,” and Philip Treacy himself declared the ensemble “weak.”

Kristin should have made a light, airy white wedding dress that was barely there in the front, but with a long, long train with streaks of pink in it in the back. Instead she made a totally fugly dress, which landed her in the bottom three — and then she was booted off the show. She was the only black person! But she didn’t seem that into the competition anyway. Auf Wiedersehen!

Valerie had a mask-hat, and whipped up a little red dress and jacket to go with it. She was in the top 3.

Michael D’s twisted skirt and corrugated top were a stunning complement to the hat. Stunning! how did he not win?

When Michael Costello was declared the winner of the challenge, I wrote OMGWTFBBQ in my notes. His dress was hideous and completely unoriginal — like Casanova said, “every girl in Puerto Rico” has one like it. Ugh.