Head of International Monetary Fund Held For New York Sexual Assault

In a dramatic seconds-before-takeoff maneuver, authorities took Dominique Strauss-Kahn, managing director of the International Monetary Fund, into police custody in connection with a sexual assault. Dramatic raids: not just for Navy SEALS in Pakistan.

The alleged victim was a member of the housekeeping staff at the Sofitel in Midtown Manhattan, where the accused had been staying. According to the complaint, a maid entered his $3,000 per night suite believing it to be unoccupied only to find Mr. Strauss-Kahn emerging from the bathroom completely naked. He attempted to assault her in his hotel room and assaulted her a second time in his bathroom. According to the New York Times,

At some point during the assault, the woman broke free, Mr. Browne (police spokesperson) said, and “she fled, reported it to other hotel personnel, who called 911.” He added, “When the police arrived, he was not there.” Mr. Browne said Mr. Strauss-Kahn appeared to have left in a hurry. In the room, investigators found his cellphone, which he had left behind, and one law enforcement official said that the investigation uncovered forensic evidence that would contain DNA.

Mr. Strauss Kahn was expected to seek the presidential nomination for the French Socialist Party, and despite his solid record during his time as Managing Director of the IMF, his unauthorized trouser micro-loan could be his undoing.

Members of the international finance community, meanwhile, have been advised to hide their wives, hide their kids, and hide their Swiss Bank Account numbers.