Images via Paramount, Getty. Art by Bobby freakin’ Finger.

We’re liveblogging the final presidential debate of 2016 in Las Vegas, a fitting emblem of American debauchery and grotesquerie for an event in which an evil man named Donald Trump will attempt to graft his titian and shriveled visage upon the anesthetized skull that is America.

Will Hillary Clinton, the John Travolta in this horrific scenario, be able to fend off this sociopathic Nicholas Cage’s plans to destroy the country, or will Nic Cage fly a cargo plane into the Flamingo, not only obliterating America but ending Olivia Newton-John’s residency there? Have I taken this already-pained stretch of an analogy too far because I have been driven to the brink by this ludicrous, embarrassing, and terrifying election? Perhaps.


Ponder all this and more in Jezebel’s final debate liveblog of the 2016 election— something we’ve been doing for nearly 15 months, Lord help us all—and when it’s over, let’s all go get a massage or something.