Harry and Meghan and William and Kate are Never, Ever Getting Back Together

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When Tolstoy wrote, “Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way,” in the opening moments of Anna Karenina, I’m beginning to think he was lying to me.


Sources tell Us Weekly that Kate Middleton and Meghan Markle, and their less famous husbands William and Harry, have no interest in reconciling any time in the conceivable future. As if this would come as a shock! Everyone knows how the tragic tales of fractured sibling dynamics begin and end. For many, this usually begins in childhood, blossoming into resentment in adulthood after one sibling moves away while the other stays close to the parents, burdened by a manufactured sense of duty around how nuclear families are supposed to operate. Even rich monarchs like Harry and William are so different!

One source tells the tabloid: “Harry misses his brother and Kate, but there’s too much mud under the bridge at this point for any meaningful communication. They’re cordial, but that’s about as far as it goes.” Why would they be anything different? Harry skipped out on the royal life to get rich and famous with his new wife and baby in California, where they will become either influencers or Disney voiceover actresses or television hosts or charity CEOs or any other number of careers the tabloids have alleged in recent weeks. William and Kate, meanwhile, will be moored in a dusty old palace with a woman that still doesn’t show her ankles, let alone let anyone smile or show personality or generally appear like a relatable human being.

If this were a movie, which is sadly not, there’d be a tense dinner scene set this past weekend, where a dinner party in the palace is interrupted by William slamming his hands on the table, screaming: “You promised after mom died, we’d stick together! You were always supposed to be here!” Harry would retort that he is his own person, while Meghan would shoot daggers at Kate, and ask if she was just going to let her husband shout at them like this. Kate would invariably follow her husband’s lead, and the entire thing would devolve into fighting. This is not a movie, however, and so we can only dream what happened behind closed doors. [Us Weekly]

After postponing tour dates in DC and Pittsburgh, Celine Dion “started exhibiting symptoms” of coronavirus, Page Six reports. Thankfully, she tested negative.

Her official Facebook page explains:

“On Monday night, a day after completing a six-show run in the New York area, Céline began feeling the symptoms of a common cold. The symptoms persisted into Tuesday, and her doctors instructed her to rest for the next 5-7 days. After testing her, the doctors concluded that her virus was not related to COVID-19.”


Performances, while still postponed, will now be happening in November. In a separate statement, Dion told fans: “I hope everyone understands.” An aside, however: Just how many more celebrities will be publicly test themselves for coronavirus? I’m sure Dion is not the last! [Page Six]

  • Sophie Turner is also wearing sweatpants. [Hollywood Life]
  • After turning on Gabrielle Union and standing with the network, Heidi Klum had to leave the America’s Got Talent after “falling ill.” [TMZ]
  • Gayle King is ready to move on from her Snoop Dogg spat. [Page Six]
  • Kenya Moore will never be friends with Nene Leakes. [TMZ]
  • Meghan King Edmonds is not doing so good. [People]



Joan, maybe it’s better that you leave Royals coverage to Kelly Faircloth. You clearly loathe them, and I come to Jez for snark, not “loathing! unadulterated loathing!”

Also Harry did not leave the royal family to BECOME rich and famous. He’s losing money on this, and trying to become less famous. Come on now.