Happy Friday, From the Condom Dangling From a Pole on the F Train

WEEEEEE!!! DANG!!! U SEE ME? Yeah, baby, just hanging out! Life’s a wild ride, isn’t it? Dang. How long you been in the city?? Me, just a couple days. Couple days and a couple nights! Got in Tuesday, to be exact. JUST BEEN HANGIN RIGHT HERE EVER SINCE! Just hangin out on the F train, man!!! Where you going? WEEEE THAT GUST OF WIND FEELS FANTASTIC. All right, fine, new friends! NEW FRIENDS IN HERE, WOO! Ooooh-WEE that hair smells nice, can I get in there for a second? Ooh, so fuzzy! Reminds me of something, but I can’t quite—oh god, BLURRGHHH, you know when you get that FEELING, like there’s something BAD you’re forgetting about, something inside you sort of feels all spoiled and sick—AHH, HERE’S THE WIND AGAIN WEEE! Life, baby, life!!! Where you going with that gorgeous head of hair? Hey buddy, your backpack’s open. Lemme just pop in there for a sec—ohh ohhh no come back! Leavin so SOON, amigo???? WHERE’S EVERYONE GOING?

Dang, everyone always leaves.

*wiggles around in the subterranean breeze*

🙁

WEE, more wind! Back and forth, back and forth, baby! Something is NOT RIGHT inside me! I BELONG IN THE TRASH, BABY, BUT THAT’S LIFE IN THE BIG APPLE! You just never know. You just NEVER effin KNOW. Wooooooh. Ooooohhh I’m not feelin so good. You right there, yeah!! You, pal! Feel my belly, does it feel WARM? Like… BAD WARM??? HEY PAL where you going?!?!?!?!!?

*bobs around, hitting people on their wrists*

YEP, yep, still here I guess!!! GOD I LOVE NEW YORK CITAYYY!!!!

*feels knot around neck loosening*

YOIKS! UH-OH!

*knot re-tightens as F train jolts to a stop*

ALL CLEAR, BABY! DANG! Can’t touch this, baby!! Weeeeeeeee it feels so good to be ALIVE!