Happy Couple App Is the Sad Future of Dating

Illustration for article titled Happy Couple App Is the Sad Future of Dating

Texting/sexting, direct messages, Twitter, Instagram DMs and online dating aren’t enough when it comes to getting to know a person. What a healthy relationship really needs is a lot less... how do you say... talking. If the human race is to survive, there needs to be a severe reduction in our level of interaction with the people we learn to tolerate on a daily basis.


Hence, this godsend of a dating app Happy Couple, pegged as “a fun quiz-style game to discover what your partner really thinks.” It’s where couples can go to truly connect with each other the way mother nature intended: virtually and with as little physical contact as possible.

Salon reports (with a headline suggesting this isn’t, in fact, a great idea):

A new app called Happy Couple is now available to help couples get to know each other in the form of digital quizzes. Each day, each partner answers five different questions for their partner that spans six different topics, and then answers questions for themselves. The app features 1200 quizzes, and asks questions such as “how does *insert partner name here* keep track of tasks on his/her plate?” Other questions include “how does my partner feel about monogamy?”

All questions you could be asking your partner in person—if you’re boring. This is the way of the world, FOSSILS. The app’s cofounder Julien Robert said via press release that her goal was “to find a way to hack the code for a sustainable relationship.”

Some people think this takes all the joy out of learning each other face to face. Well, actually, it sounds fun? Kind of like a depressing dystopian version of The Newlywed Game? This is how robots and drones will be communicating and falling in love with each other in the near future, so let’s embrace it.

Image screengrab via YouTube

Culture Editor, Jezebel


JujyMonkey: unstable genius

I communicate with my wife in text emojis and noises from three fart apps.

Ninth anniversary next month, yo!