Hello, people with vaginas: I come bearing a story about Kourtney Kardashian, a vitamin grift, and the conspiracy of pussy odor.
Amidst a depressing trend of celebrities putting out lackluster wellness brands they don’t seem to personally give a shit about, Kourtney Kardashian’s supplement brand Lemme has now rolled out “Lemme Purr” vaginal health gummies—aka pussy probiotics—for $30 a bottle.
On Monday, Kardashian and Lemme co-posted the official announcement of a new supplement intended to increase vaginal health and “support vaginal taste, vaginal odour, vaginal health and vaginal freshness.” The video features Kardashian lying on the ground with cats circling her. One runs across her as though she is not there. She then pops a pill that I highly doubt is actually one of these pussy gummies. No one purrs.
Here’s the product description from Lemme’s Instagram:
“Vaginal health is such an important part of a woman’s overall well-being (and not talked about enough) which is why we are so excited to launch this! Give your vagina the sweet treat it deserves (and turn it into a sweet treat). You know what they say…you are what you eat 😜
We combined real pineapple and Vitamin C with the power of clinically-studied SNZ 1969™ probiotics to target vaginal health and pH levels that support freshness and taste.”
First thing’s first, since we’re talking about health here. Never, ever take medical advice from a Kardashian, and especially not the one who teamed up with Goop founder Gwyneth Paltrow to sell a candle invented to smell like Kourtney’s vagina. (It was, as dead Gawker wrote, called “Smells Like My Pooshy.”) Not only are the supplements not regulated by the FDA, which means we have to trust brands when they tell us what’s in their products, but gynecologists are already criticizing Lemme’s new pussy potion.
Dr. Jen Gunter, a gynecologist and author of The Vagina Bible, called out Kourtney’s “grift” on Instagram for perpetuating tired tropes about stinky vaginas, pointing to an entire chapter in her book that debunks the myth of pineapple as a smelly vagina salve. “Anyone who suggests that your vagina isn’t fresh or needs an improved taste is a misogynist and awful person,” she wrote.
Maddy Dann, a 30-year-old UK doctor who speaks about sexual health on TikTok, told BBC Newsbeat she’s worried that Lemme Purr will trick consumers into thinking “entirely normal” vaginal functions are problems. She added that “there’s no such thing as an unclean vagina,” considering that the vagina “self-cleans.”
“Every person with a vulva or vagina is going to have a different odor, it’s going to have a different scent, a different taste and a different amount of discharge,” she says. “And so what this product suggests is that every woman needs to have the same tasting, the same smelling, vagina or discharge, and that’s just not realistic.”
In another signpost of end times depravity, Lemme Purr underlines the insistence on marketing (bogus) products to vulva owners by making a joke out of a vagina or positioning it as something to maintain for sexual consumption and not for legitimate health reasons (ie “turn it into a sweet treat”). The company also positions the “vaginal microbiome” as “delicate” and something that can “be easily disrupted.” I don’t know whose vulva they’re talking about, but my vagina is like Angelina Jolie’s Lara Croft in Tomb Raider, tough as hell in using sensation, odor, and irregular discharge to signal to me that something is off. This doesn’t mean my vagina is broken, but that it’s working properly. Any messaging otherwise is anti-vag propaganda that our body parts are inherently filthy and need fixing.
So yeah, let me just reiterate here for good measure: For the love of all things holy, do not take Kardashian-branded vagina vitamins. Do not insert them into your mouth or your vagina or your ass or your ear or any bodily hole you may have. When something smells or feels off, make an appointment with a real doctor. Thank you for your time.