Photo: AP

What would it take for me to get married inside a Planet Fitness? I think that even if all that was left on Earth was me, another person, wedding stuff, and a Planet Fitness, I would just play with the wedding stuff outside. There’s simply no amount of pizza on the first Monday of every month that could convince me otherwise.

Other people feel differently, and that’s what makes life a rich and rewarding mystery. Well, a small part of it at least. Joseph Keith III and Stephanie Hughes tied at the knot in a Cincinnati Planet Fitness on Sunday (it wouldn’t be the first time), as evidenced by this video that the gym seems to have had a heavy hand in producing.

I’m not punching holes in this story—when it comes to love I believe anything anyone says, even if it’s heavily advertorial—I just find it curious that the couple reportedly did date nights at the gym sometimes and exchanged their first “I love you”’s in the Planet Fitness parking lot. Their wedding website purports that the couple met at their Planet Fitness gym when Joseph asked Stephanie if she was done using a piece of equipment. You’d think Planet Fitness was some kind of hybrid of dating app, church, and workout facility. When really it’s a gym whose bonus features include little spray bottles full of water to sanitize machines with, and that’s really all that’s coming to mind at the moment.

I realize that this is ultimately promotional material, and that’s ok too. But it makes me wonder whom this is supposed to appeal to because, as we all know, Planet Fitness is a “judgment free” zone, which makes it unsuitable for dating, and certainly for finding a life partner. It is, however, a great place to go to remember to hydrate. And I’ll vouch for their thorough integration of yellow and purple into everything they make. Since I’m not at the gym, I needn’t go further than that.