Gwyneth Paltrow's Pretty, Boring Goop Clothing Line Launches Tomorrow 


Goop, Gwyneth Paltrow’s guide to living your best juice-cleansed, chambray life, is taking yet another step to mentor the unwashed. Tomorrow the company launches the first installment of its apparel collection, Goop Label.

As Vanity Fair reports, Paltrow collaborated with a select coterie of designers to create pieces reminiscent of her own closet staples. The clothes are manufactured in Italy, sharing the same factory space as “leading designer brands.”

And they’re pretty! But also exceedingly boring. Think Taylor Swift gone law firm partner mom. Or, well, think Gwyneth Paltrow ever since she stopped hanging out with Winona Ryder.

Via Vanity Fair:

“‘I wanted to create product that is incredibly high quality and delivered at a great value—I think there’s a huge white space in the market for luxurious ready-to-wear at a direct-to-consumer price,’ Paltrow said in [a] statement. ‘It was very important to me to make the clothes in the same way that all of my favorite designer clothing is made, which is in Italy, with beautifully loomed fabrics, incredible tailoring, and incredible attention to detail, but to be able to deliver those pieces at a third of the price.’”

Of course, when Paltrow’s wardrobe is the basis for determining cost “a third of the price” is still really fucking expensive. The lovely, and ever so Goopily named Pattner Peak Label Blazer retails at $695. A garden variety chambray button down sets you back $195.

But if money is no object, perhaps you’d like to know how to acquire Paltrow’s monochrome luxuries. Every month, Goop will make available “five elevated basics” that are “timed to that season.” And if you worship at the altar of this lifestyle brand, you’ll want to move quickly. All items will be sold on a first-come, first-serve basis, and once they’re gone, c’est fini.

I admit to being seduced by a good wool blazer from time to time. That said, it’s difficult to feel strongly one way or the other about these first Goop Label items. Like all basics, they’re fundamentally inoffensive. They’re practical and casually elegant. But they’re also out of my price range, so I’ll continue scouring Everlane and the J.Crew sale section as per usual.

Welcome, Goop Label. You’re fine.

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