Gwyneth Paltrow And Chris Martin Are Finally, Actually Divorced

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Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin have finally, finally finalized their divorce, a process matched in length and absurdity only by that endless runway in the acclaimed film Fast & Furious 6. Because nothing pleases me more than comparing Earth’s most meticulously manicured divorce to a Vin Diesel franchise about barbecues, here is that scene:

The two former married people reached a divorce settlement in May, and their judgment was entered into an L.A. courthouse on Thursday. From People:

According to the settlement, the couple have entered into a written agreement regarding their property and child support, and agreed that neither will ever ask for spousal support. They have chosen not to file the agreement with the court at this time, but can do so later if either party wishes the court to settle a disagreement.


The pair famously “uncoupled” in 2014 after 10 years of marriage, with Paltrow writing on Goop:

We have come to the conclusion that while we love each other very much we will remain separate,” they said. “We are, however, and always will be a family, and in many ways we are closer than we have ever been.”

You know who else cares a lot about family?

Yes, I am suggesting that Gwyneth Paltrow is Vin Diesel. Tell me, have you ever seen them in the same place at the same time?


Kris Jenner will not change her name to Kris Kardashian, citing respect for her daughters Kendall and Kylie (both of whom are Jenners, obviously). A scene deleted from Keeping Up with the Kardashians suggested that she might swap out last names, but no, it is lies, all lies.

“It happens to be two younger girls who have an amazing dad, and yeah, I think I’m just going stay right where I am,” explained Kris, 60, during a Friday interview with Australian radio show Kyle & Jackie O. “It sounded like a good idea for a minute, but then you have to just respect the relationship of the entire family.”


You can listen to her say it with her own mouth here:



  • Eric Clapton is selling his 2014 Fender Stratocaster to benefit cancer research. [TMZ]
  • Chris Hemsworth has endorsed Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston’s relationship. [People]
  • Drew Barrymore and Will Kopelman are getting divorced. [TMZ]
  • What on Earth. [TMZ]
  • Ciara has taken Russell Wilson’s last name. [Us Weekly]
  • Julio Caro, who produced The Cell, has been charged with stealing $1.5 million from an investment firm. [Deadline]
  • Winona Ryder has a bunch of Audrey Hepburn’s old clothes. [Vanity Fair]

Image via AP.




Re: the Goopy-Martin divorce:

And Re: Chris Hemsworth:

Oh, and Blind Gossip has an item that is pretty obviously meant to be about Swifty. But who knows how true it is.

I’d also like to apologize in advance to everyone if I’m incoherent today, I didn’t get any sleep last night and I’m starting to get into my super giddy phase.