The latest installment in Into the Gloss's wonderful Top Shelf series features Lindsay Lohan, lots of photos of Lohan's artfully set-decorated room (hotel room, probs) in London (check the Polaroid of her and Terry Richardson, the unopened bottle of mouthwash, and the toothbrush next to her razor in the shower), as well as an abundance of lifestyle and beauty product knowledge delivered in a friendly manner from a bitch who knows.

Read it, or just try to guess which statement in each category is the real deal.


WINE

A: "People don't realize that even some of the best wines are the cheaper ones."

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B: "I only drink pink wines. Unless it's champagne, and then the more expensive the better."

HYDRATION

A: "Everything is boring, except for water. Water looks boring but is actually amazing."

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B: "I drink water once a day for ten minutes but then I always feel bloated."

C: "I love water. Cold or hot!"

D: "Water is so boring."

FRAGRANCE

A: "If I'm wearing perfume, I'm usually not wearing anything else."

B: "If I wear black, I'll put perfume all over my clothes."

C: "If I wear clothes, I like them to be black and perfumed."

BODILY CLEANSING

A: "I don't take baths. I filled the tub once, but never used it. I think baths are gross—you're sitting in your own filth!"

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B: "I think baths are amazing. I used to think they were gross, like you were sitting in your own filth. But then I realized I could just shower before. I like to put oils and crystals in the bath—always pink."

HOLISTIC VIBES

A: "I have a friend that's really into sage, so I was into that for awhile. But then it made me feel crazy, like a witch. Now I just keep my lights off mostly."

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B: "I light sage if there's someone that comes over that makes me feel like I need to cleanse the house—I'm serious. I sage people out!"

EXERCISE

A: "It's almost like erotic yoga—all these women in a dark room doing really sexy movements."

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B: "It's like yoga, except it's pole dancing. Pole dancing is like meditation for me."

PERSONAL CHANGE

A: "I was looking at myself the other day and I realized that I'm starting to really change. It's so cool!"

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B: "I've changed a lot in my life, but I don't know if I'm much different. It's fun to be yourself!"

C: "I was looking at my face in the mirror and I realized, my face is the best it will ever be."

COLORS

A: "I said to him, 'It's pink! I like that.'"

B: "I said to him, 'Get that pink shit out of here!"

C: "Terry and I love pink."

Lohan actually said: Wine (A), Hydration (D), Fragrance (B), Cleansing (A), Vibes (B), Exercise (A), Change (A), Colors (A).

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Image via AP.