Grimes Is Giving Birth to Something

By Lauren Evans  |  January 9, 2020 | 1:15am
CelebritiesDirt Bag
Grimes Is Giving Birth to Something
Image:Getty

I just woke up from a nap, and I’m pretty sure groggy and disoriented is the only way my brain can adequately process the (possible) news that Grimes and (possibly) Elon Musk are possibly (unconfirmed, OK?) having a baby, or something close to one.

“I thought about censoring them for a hot minute haha (this may get taken down anyway) but the photo is much less feral without the nipples. Plus being knocked up is a very feral & war-like state of being. Might as well be what it is.”

This could very well mean that she’s pregnant with her next album, due out next month, or pregnant in the cosmic sense of the word, whatever that means. But for the sake of entertainment, let’s assume it’s Musk’s seed in there and whatever pops out is the result of their consummated union. My bet is that it’s going to be a Roomba. Hear me out.

Grimes, as far as I understand, wants to be an alien. Elon Musk builds contraptions he hopes will reach the outer limits of space. I’m sure they’re both entirely convinced that the creature brewing in Grimes’ womb will be some sort of otherworldly being, with silvery skin and the ability to separate metal with its mind.

They’ll both be right about the first part, but ultimately, they’re going to be very disappointed. Roombas are beloved vacuum cleaners, but they can’t even make toast or do quadratic equations, and you can already buy one on Amazon for just $269, or $500 for one that mops. Can you imagine anything that could possibly upset them more? I laugh just thinking about it.

Regarding the presence of her nipples on Instagram, which I honestly barely even noticed, Grimes added:

“Plus most of my friends told me not to post them so then I was afflicted w reverse psychology. Interrogated my shame on it and decided it was sum weird internalized self hatred to feel uncomfortable abt my body. Hope ur having a nice day!”

Here’s what Andrew Yang had to say:

Thank you to Cardi B, as always.

[Instagram]