Where I Would Wear the Green Teletubbies Boots

It can take time for great works of art to be considered great works of art. The Mona Lisa wasn’t popular until the late 1800s, centuries after it was painted. Vincent van Gogh’s landscapes didn’t gain recognition until after his death. And so, I imagine, it will take the public a while to recognize Christian Cowan’s green Teletubbies boots as the wearable art that they are.

The bright green, knee-high (or more like under-kneecap-high) boots were all over my Instagram this weekend. And while they haven’t quite reached the virality of MSCHF’s Big Red Boots, as I just explained, sometimes it takes time for a masterpiece to be appreciated.

While this is the British designer’s first venture into putting beloved ‘90s childhood icons onto footwear, he recently had a capsule collection with Doritos and is known for his campy, embellished designs. The “Dipsy green” boots are currently selling for $2,50o on Cowan’s website—and reportedly crashed it upon release. A small price to pay for a lifetime of joy and whimsy, if you ask me. (Though it’d take me nearly a lifetime to pay off $2,500 so while I won’t be purchasing them, know that I would if I could.) Maybe I’m just attracted to the bright green of it all, but seeing their “So happy to see you!” smiles and friendly, outstretched arms just waiting to give my calves and me a tiny hug makes me happy in return—as opposed to creeped out, which has been one of the more negative responses to Dipsy’s cute little face.

To quote the famous philosopher Immanuel Kant: “Happiness is not an ideal of reason but of imagination.”

“When deciding what our next collaboration would be, we were throwing around lots of pop culture icons, and then it struck us, let’s do THE icons,” Cowan wrote on Instagram about the inspiration behind the boot. “We treated Dipsy, Laa-Laa, Po & Tinkey-Winkey like the legends they are, shot in an Avedon-esque style, these garments tell the story of our four legendary characters, who have come to step on everyone’s necks and have autographed these pieces for their adoring fans.”

I’m sure by now you’re thinking, “Where would one such adoring fan even wear these though?” I’m so glad you asked.

To Brunch

Very confident that I can convince a waiter to give us a three-for-one on mimosas. Especially if I go by myself!

To H&R Block to get my taxes done

Gotta’ show my accountant what I mean when I say I expect a much larger refund now that I have two dependents.

To Church

I’m not religious, but I’d love the opportunity to prove to people who are that you can truly find God anywhere and in anything.

To visit my parents

When I was a kid, I told my parents that I’d buy them a beach house once I made my first million before 30. (Bless them for not questioning this promise when I also said I wanted to be a journalist.) I’m past 30 and nowhere near having a seven-figure bank account…but arriving home in these would definitely prove that I’ve made it (aka put a $2,500 dent on my credit card).

To the airport

Not only do these boots double as emotional support animals for anxiety-and-turbulence-ridden flights…the three of us will get a kick out of watching TSA’s reaction as they travel through the X-Ray machine.

To my frenemy’s wedding

They asked me not to wear anything too crazy…but they never specified that they were talking about footwear. I’ll buy them a nice gift, of course, but will also photobomb every photo.

To the DMV

Surely, if I sit in a corner, hold Dispy’s stuffed hands, and giggle with my little dollface boots, I’ll be waited on quickly and promptly shown the exit.

To your funeral

We all die someday. Dipsy left foot, Dipsy right foot, and I will be there to pay our respects.