The thing about Ecleen Luzmila Caraballo, Jezebel’s longtime social media editor who’s departing us today to work with our lucky pals at Remezcla, is that she is virtually unroastable. In my going-on-six years at this company, I have never encountered this, and so am a bit flummoxed; virtually every one of my coworkers has done something dorky or weird enough to fully mock or at least lightly rib, but Ecleen’s track record is fully and infuriatingly pristine across the board. She is devastatingly nice, passionately on top of things, super-ambitious, and also utterly put together. I have never seen Ecleen do anything—anything!—that could be considered remotely embarrassing, which is statistically impossible at the company formerly known as Gawker/GMG and now G/O. She is charming, personable, impeccably dressed, and has excellent taste in music—qualities which, for anyone else, would be roastable as hell, but Ecleen is also impossible not to love, the sweetest person who has probably ever worked with the screaming harpies of Jez, and cool as hell to boot.
Because I have nothing bad to say about Ecleen, I had to go fishing for something to roast her for, and here it is. But even THIS is not roastable:
Gonna miss you, Ecleen, the light of my life and days. Please call me if you ever manage to play yourself so I can feel better about my dumb life! —Julianne Escobedo Shepherd
Ecleen is perhaps the sweetest, most pure person to have ever worked at this company, and in a sense, we never truly deserved her. I know she’s going to go on and do great things at Remezcla, and I know that we will continue to be the dirtbags we have always been.
Ecleen has the best hair on the Jezebel staff, and the kindest heart. She is eminently unroastable, and is also a port in a storm of people’s inability to use social media, especially my own. The amount of times I have slid into her DMs to ask her a question about something I clearly should’ve know the answer to and the patience with which she answered that question time and time again has not gone unnoticed!! Sorry you had to endure my large sighs and thank you for not getting angry at me every time I answered a robocall for the year and change we sat shoulder to shoulder, staring at our monitors with furrowed brows. We will miss you.
There isn’t—and will never be—another social editor like Ecleen. Her ability to sharpen Jezebel’s message and make us all sound much smarter and funnier than we probably are, have made her a true joy to work alongside. I’d also like to apologize for all the incomprehensible blogs of mine she has sifted through in the last year, and hope that as she moves on to her fancy (and amazing!!!!) new job, she forgives me for the damage that experience likely inflicted on her psyche.
Ecleen, your heart was always too good for this place... why the fuck did you stick around for so long? Was it masochism? Whatever it was, I’m glad you stuck it out even though you’re selfishly leaving me to better yourself. I shall forgive you when I am not hunger.
You’re off to greener pastures and that must take an incredible weight off your shoulders. Again, it’s selfish that you’re taking weight off your shoulders and not my scale. Where is your altruism?
In all seriousness, I am happy to see you grow and flourish into the ethereal fairy that we all know you to be!
Ecleen is probably the nicest person I’ve ever met and she’s been such a vital member of Jezebel’s staff. She had nothing but kind and encouraging things to say to me when I was going through a really rough time last year, and it really meant a lot to me. She even gave me cold hard American currency for my birthday! Only my relatives do that shit! I’m not exaggerating when I say that Ecleen is quite literally beautiful inside and out. So obviously… this bitch is hiding something. Somebody, please check under her floorboards for bodies or something. Or a glass box in her basement? What is her secret? Make it make sense!
I once sat behind Ecleen in a meeting where she turned to look at me as I explained to the meeting leader who I was and why I was there. This is our only in person interaction on record. Now I sit in her office and people walk by asking me if I am Ecleen. Just because we both listen to Ruben Blades doesn’t mean we’re the same person. I hope once she’s gone I no longer have to live in her shadow.
The worst thing I can say about Ecleen is that she is unroastable. This is the first (and obviously last) time she has made my job more, and not less difficult. She has never been anything less than kind and patient. I don’t know how powerful her smile is in watts, but I bet the number would be impressive. Besides the pleasantness she radiates, she is so good at her job. Her departure is the umpteenth crushing loss for this company.
These roasts typically allow me to troll my colleagues-turned-friends and tell them how terrible they are. But alas, someone has defeated me. I’m convinced that Ecleen wouldn’t hurt a fly or even a roach, and she’s a saint for dealing with us and this company with such grace. Thank you for making the Jezebel social accounts fun and we’re so sad you’re leaving to run a cat site, of all places.
I hope that Ecleen will one day eat her lunch on time.