Goodbye to Joe Biden, the Creepy Uncle We Never Asked For

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Year in Review 2019Year in Review 2019Remembering the year that you, me, and everyone we know was canceled. Rest in peace

Here’s why Joe Biden should be canceled. Follow Jezebel’s Cancel Tournament to see what ultimately gets canceled.

Hair sniffing, neck kissing, attempted nose rubbing. These phrases are about as repellent as Joe Biden himself, who has been accused of multiple such incidents of unwanted physical contact with women. Worse still, he’s proven to not quite understand why these unsolicited acts are so unbearably creepy and inappropriate. Case in point: In April, he released an “apology” video in which he emphasized the gee-shucks innocence of his physical style of “connecting with people” and argued that “social norms” have simply changed since the nose rubbing days of his youth. (Ah yes, the ol’ “hair sniff,” formerly as common as the handshake.)

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In April, though, Biden seemed to earnestly commit to being “much more mindful” about respecting people’s physical boundaries. Good job, bud! Except fast-forward just a couple days and there was Uncle Joe, making light of his alleged habit of invading personal space during an event and joking—hahahahahahaha—about having gotten permission first to hug a couple people on stage. In case his lack of remorse was unclear, he actually said these exceedingly dumb words to reporters: “I am not sorry for anything that I have ever done.”

And, oh, does it show. We already knew that Biden was not sufficiently sorry about his role as chairman of the judiciary committee during the Anita Hill hearings. As you might recall, Hill was interrogated, and humiliated, by a panel of 14 white men, lead mercilessly by Biden. Meanwhile, Biden declined to call witnesses willing to corroborate Hill’s testimony. Now, Biden, no doubt realizing the liability this represents, did arrange a phone call earlier this year with Hill to express “his regret for what she endured,” in the passive, exculpatory words of his campaign. According to Hill, however, it fell short of a true apology.

In the man’s own words: He’s not sorry for ANYTHING he’s EVER done.

Given this untouchable sense of overconfidence, and the entitlement apparent in his defending physical oversteps, it is no surprise that recently Biden has gotten unwanted attention for striking a patronizing tone with women. In September, during a forum moderated by Lyz Lenz, an occasional Jezebel contributor, he condescended to her for daring to ask a critical question about his record on LGBTQ issues—during an event focused on LGBTQ issues. “You’re a lovely person,” he told her, dryly, in response. As they walked off stage, according to Lenz, he told her, “You’re a real sweetheart.” During the the fourth Democratic presidential primary debate, Biden lectured fellow presidential candidate Elizabeth Warren about the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau that she herself built, and attempted to take credit for her work.

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The nail in the canceled coffin: His flip-flopping on the Hyde Amendment and attempt to gut contraception coverage in the Affordable Care Act. Bye, sweetheart.

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