Gloria Allred Puts Pee-Flinging Mean Girls on Trial

Gloria Allred, who apparently has a whole show wherein shut-ins watch her Dispense Justice on the teevee, took on a doozy of a case in a recent show, a case that pitted three popular girls against one girl who couldn’t hack it with their crew. Regina George on trial!

The plaintiff complained to Judge Allred that the three defendants had assaulted her with a pee filled balloon and then posted pictures of her urine-covered countenance on Facebook. The defendants were like, whatever, it was initiation into our club and it’s not our fault you’re not tough enough. And Gloria Allred was like OMFG, you guys are totally mean. It’s like The Craft meets Mean Girls meets Carrie, except no one gets burned to death and there’s no Fairuza Balk.

During the Trial of the Semester, the defendants don’t deny that they filled a balloon with pee, but they do deny that what they did was wrong. It was clique-nitiation! The plaintiff is just mad because she couldn’t take it!

The united front of three queen bee bullies ended up owing the plaintiff $1,100- $100 for the clothes and purse they ruined, and $1,000 in punitive damage. That’s like, an entire summer of babysitting.