This week's Glee was even more absurd than usual. Sue performed a song about Ohio with her Nazi-hunting mom, the guys decided locker room beatings are the best way to combat bullying, and finally, everyone got married.
First, Burt and Carole get engaged and decided to let Kurt plan their wedding, which is taking place next weekend for some reason. Burt says all he cares about is having an awesome band, which Kurt interprets to mean, "Son, I want your doofy friends, and perhaps your Spanish teacher, to perform at the wedding."
Elsewhere at McKinley, Sam tells Quinn he loves her and proposes to her with a promise ring. Quinn says that while she's enjoyed the past six weeks of making out and not having sex by a fireplace, they should probably start dating before he proposes. However, Sam already knows, "I want to marry you ... someday."
In other absurd nuptial news, Sue decides to marry herself after the TV anchor dude she went on one date with gets engaged on air. Sue actually notes that she's probably only doing this because she's high on stamp glue.
The wedding is just an excuse for an appearance by Carol Burnett as Sue's mom. As they explain while singing the song "Ohio" from the musical Wonderful Town, Doris Sylvester abandoned Sue and her sister Jean when they were kids to go hunt Nazis (it's unclear if this involved Inglourious Basterds-style scalpings).
The one-minute ceremony involves Sue officiating, answering for the bride and groom, and wearing an awesome track suit wedding gown:
After Doris complains about not being allowed to sing at the wedding, Sue says she's a "bully" and she leaves, never to be seen or spoken of again.
As principal, Sue is actually pretty great, not that the bar was set high with Figgins. Will spots Kurt being bullied, and when they report it to Sue she's uncharacteristically nice to Kurt. Rather than yelling, "William, my hands are tied!" she promises to stop Karofsky once they have proof that he's harassing Kurt.
Rachel tells the girls they need to help Kurt by making their boyfriends fight Karofsky, a suggestion which Quinn points out "set the feminist movement back 50 years." (Since when is every single dude in glee also on the football team?) Though it seems like Finn's already had several opportunities to learn he should stand up for Kurt, he chickens out when the rest of the guys threaten Karofsky in the locker room.
But during his toast at their parents wedding, Finn says Kurt's his "brother from another mother" and apologizes for not defending Team "Furt". Then they perform "Just The Way You Are" by Bruno Mars and dance away their troubles.
But not really. While Finn may have finally learned homophobia isn't cool, Karofsky is still bullying Kurt. Sue expels him, but the school board reverses the decision. Burt and Carole decide to use their honeymoon money to send Kurt to the Dalton Academy, where nothing bad ever happens. If they find a way for Brittany, Santana and Sue to transfer to Dalton too, I'm all for dropping these other fools and focusing on the wacky hijinks of Kurt and Blaine.